Paul McCartney & Wings - Red Rose Speedway

Just remembered how awesome that cover is. Almost as awesome as the McCartney II cover. Something about Paul McCartney staring wide-eyed into the camera like a jackass just fills my fucking heart with joy and semen and "what have you."

So this album isn't totally embarassing or anything. I've listened to it a bunch of times in the past couple days and I can't remember how any of the songs go. The weird thing is that the most memorable things on here are the slightest, most fillery tracks. "Single Pigeon" and "When The Night" are pretty stupid, but they do stick in the 'ol brain, they do. Something that the totally worthless "Loup (1st Indian On The Moon)" does not do. What the hell is Paul thinking on here? Wings was definitely not the band to be playing groovy 70s prog-rock. Pretty clear waste of four minutes and 22 seconds.

"Little Lamb Dragonfly" should definitely be better than it is. It's okay, but something about the song doesn't live up to its potentially rad-as-shit McCartney cutesiness. "Get On The Right Thing" is fun. The 11 minute medley at the end of the album is cool and enjoyable. "Big Barn Bed" is a somewhat competent "rock" song. Sort of dumb and repetitive.

Why does everybody hate "My Love"? It's cheesy, yeah, but it's a beautiful fucking song. And he sings, "WHOOAAAOHOHOAAAAA" just like Glenn Danzig! Yep, JUST LIKE him. Awesome, right? Yeah.

Rating: Pretty average album. Actually, it's not very good at all. The songs are sort-of-semi-okay, but the production isn't very interesting, and neither is the band. Hell, most of these songs really don't do shit, either. Whatever, I don't care.

Song: "One More Kiss"... why did I upload this song, it's not very good.

Wings - Wild Life

Look at the hippie faggots on the cover of this album. Before you even placed it underneath the needle for the first time, you probably knew you were in for the worst parts of Paul's songwriting to come bursting force from every crevice of your hip 1970s apartment. Universally panned upon it's release, Rolling Stone called it "Wild Life reminds me of the scabs on my dick: too fluffy and unlistenable" E

Entertainment Weekly gave the album 1 star with just a one word review of "wtf" also every newspaper thought it sucked dick because they were too busying chafing their dix on Lennon's Imagine and Ringo's Ringo which they loved so much they were jerking off about two years before it even existed. Ringo's solo output is that good ladies and blacks.

But enough about Gringo Starr, I'm not going to go as far as denounce this album. Just forget for a minute that Paul Mccartney was the greatest songwriter of all time and listen to this album on it's own merits. There's a lot of sketchy bullshit all up in this shit. What happened to the squeaky clean, pristine production of Ram? I guess Paul decided it was more important to catch loads of cum in his beard than do a decent production job on his album.

rating: it's still pretty good, the title track is a low top-tier macca. As if to say "yeah it's great but you'll only listen to it probably never or once in awhile, say, during dinner for two?

Song: http://www.mediafire.com/?f21bt1ytwzt - "Wild Life" - goo shit

Paul & Linda McCartney - Ram

Even as a wee lad, I was always searching for new jamz to settle the fuck down with. After spending the first six or seven years of my life completely enamored with cult electro-acoustic happy hardcore improvisation collective THE BEATLES, I began gravitating more towards the solo work of one Paul McCartney. Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "Paul McCartney? He's a pussy who writes embarassingly inane pop songs that suck my shitty asshole always!" But mang, I'm pretty sure that that's the very reason I even made the effort to listen to the dude's music in the first place! His work as a solo artist and as a member of Wings simply took his fruity pop sensibilities that were displayed so brightly in his work as a Beatle to their logical and most ridiculous extremes. Despite some truly awful lyrics, Paul never failed to at least try and bring the awesome melodies with his songs, and that's what makes his post-Beatles output tower way the fuck above that of John, George, and Ringu. The dude had drive and enthusiasm, and apart from when he occasionally reduced himself to lazily churning out generic old-timey 12 bar blues rock 'n roll bullshit, his songs could rarely be described as "boring."

But despite digging the crap out of Paul's consistently melodic pussy poppers as a young person, as well as being genuinely impressed with the excellent Chaos & Creation In The Backyard, I had somehow managed to convince myself that solo Paul McCartney albums were not things that I particularly needed in my life. Of course, I was horribly wrong. And so we start with Paul's absolutely glorious sophomore effort, Ram. This isn't the sound of Paul just wiping his jizz on a mic (McCartney), nor is it the sound of Paul desperately trying to preserve his right to play in a good 'ol fashioned RAWK band (most Wings albums.) No, this is just our friend Paul McCartney delivering GORGEOUS MELODY AFTER GORGEOUS MELODY, by way of everything from masterfully constructed mini-suites to halfassed bluesy crap to bouncy ukulele whatever to some of the most fun lovin' attemps at "hard rock" ever conceived.

And it's all produced in a really nice Abbey Road sort of way, too! Shit just sounds great. So tight, so shiny. But man, this thing is just a total success. The fruity pop songs like "Dear Boy" and "Heart of the Country" are totally fruity, and the multi-part mini-suite things like "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey" and "The Back Seat of My Car" (sweet jesus, THIS FUCKING SONG) are completely overblown and ridiculous, but fuck, it all WORKS. This sort of shit would sink a lesser artist, and has done so for Paul himself, keeping much of his subsequent work from achieving unequivocal greatness. But not so on Ram. Hell, Stephen Thomas Erlewine is completely dead on in making it a point to describe the "filler" as "enjoyable filler." McCartney albums are generally chockful of filler, but even the half-assed backporch honky blues of "3 Legs" manages to grab you with melodic wonderfulness! Same with the stupidly repetitive rocker "Smile Away." These songs just fill my heart with joy. The songs that should come across as low-points actually end up being really, really fucking catchy and endlessly enjoyable. Critics probably hated it because it's just so much damn fun and Paul screams like an idiot during all of the album's "rock" songs. But man, I sure do know amazing melodies when I hear them, and how anyone could have heard "The Back Seat of My Car" or "Ram On" in 1986 or whenever this was released and not have immediately recognized them as being Beatles caliber tunes should really just go suck one.

Also, the album is co-credited to Linda because she sings semi-prominent backing vocals on a few songs and has very little discernible talent whatsoever.

Rating: Legitimately fantastic album. Convincing yourself that you don't need this shit... BAD. Very, very bad.

Song: "The Back Seat of My Car"... I could go on and on about this fucking song. Seriously. The balls.

The Icarus Line - Black Lives At The Golden Coast

Hey, it's a fairly solid rock album. It's about ten minutes shorter than the last one. The production is less distorted and in-the-red, for one thing. And there are some genuine pop songs this time around. "Slayer," "Victory Gardens," "Black Lives At The Golden Coast," all awesome. A lot more of a JAMC/PRMLSCRM thing going on here, rather than just trying to be as face-slashingly abrasive as possible. I'm down with it.

The songs that aren't all breezy and dreamy are pretty much the same 'ol hookless messes, though. The fuck is up with that? If I want to hear plodding, pissed-off Stooges-lovin' noise-rock, I'll dig me some 'ol Jesus Lizard, Brainbombs, Clockcleaner, etc. These dudes just don't have the tunes for that stuff. Sad, really, 'cause I love that kind of shit. Guys, just keep rocking the acoustic guitars/melodies. I believe in y'all.

Rating: Several genuinely enjoyable rock songs. Somehow, it all holds together. I can listen to it all the way and enjoy myself. Pretty good record. They're getting better.

Song: THE ALBUM!!!

The Grateful Dead - Anthem of The Sun

Can I just say that my review of the new Akron/Family album was way fucking off? I'm pretty sure that even in my earlier stages of listening that I didn't hate the album, but man, does the review make it seem like I did! It's not bad at all. In fact, it's awesome. It's not like they don't still sound like the greatest band in the world, after all. Now more than ever, actually. Those melodies just creep up on you after a few listens, which eventually helps you appreciate how hard and hilariously those songs rock a fuckin' bitch.

I saw them live last night, by the way! It might have been the best show I've ever attended. Let's just say that they played for two hours and that one of the songs was a 20 minute cover of "Turn On Your Lovelight." I was in the front, sweating my dicks off with drunk teenage girls, completely losing my shit to the Blessing Force. This dude behind me had these huge Grateful Dead pants and was shrooming like crazy. The amazing thing is that before Ak Ak's set began, he observed that nobody around us was moving during the opener, and he and I agreed to help everybody else "feel the love." But every time I looked back at him during the A/F set, he was barely swaying, due to being fried out of his mind. Awesome.

What with A/F being a band of bearded sexies whose duty seems to be to blast the wholesome sounds of the Dead, Neil Young, and the Band into the 21st century (suck one, Wilco), I found myself pretty inspired to throw on Anthem of The Sun and tell you a little about it. It's from 1968! Really! The Dead want to show you that they're not just a normal rock 'n roll band, that they're all about experimentin' and being "avant-garde" and "pushing the boundaries of what could be done in a recording studio." So they give you an album with FIVE SONGS because they think they're fucking King Crimson or something, the shits.

But the "prog explosion" hadn't really happened by this point, had it? So don't expect these "multi-part epics" to be all that ultra-serious and academic. A lot of it is just a bunch of dicking around! They'll play an actual part of a song with actual melodies and stuff, and then they'll splice in a live tape of them "jamming" in the good 'ol live concert environment. So it's "complex" music, but only in the sense that it's slightly more complex than using only concert tapes or just doing it all in the studio.

In fact, the "boundary crushing" production ends up just being one huge fucking mess, some of the funniest, most laughably excessive hippy nonsense crap you'll ever hear. Fortunately, the SONGS themselves are pretty good. The opener on this is "That's It For The Other One," which is completely awesome. It's a classic for a reason! It's a "multi-part epic" or something, and multiple parts of it do slay hot bitches. Phil Lesh's "New Potato Caboose" is okay, too. And then "Born Cross-Eyed" is just the fucking tits, mang. Bob Weir just fucking BRINGS IT with this song. Brief and rocking. Good shit. "Alligator" is pretty okay. "Caution (Do Not Stop On The Tracks)" doesn't have jack-shit going for it except for some noise at the end. But man, there's no song in there, really. Just ignore it... use it as time for you to reflect on how much better the rest of the album is and naked fucking sluts, also. They're all over this album. Mickey Hart, for example. Why am I reviewing a Grateful Dead album, lol.

Rating: The songs are actually pretty good, as are the jams. Put together, though, it all makes for quite the enjoyably horrible mess. It's the Dead at their "experimental peak," so it's at least interesting to hear them at this sort of phase in their career, trying to bring the "mind-expanding" aesthetic of their jams into their studiowork. Akron/Family looks up to this album, they do. You can definitely hear it in their longer songs like "Moment" and "There's So Many Colors," which clearly show an appreciation for the compelling ridiculousness of Yes and Gentle Giant, but also make it pretty obvious that their hearts are in the smelly American hippiness of the Dead. They clearly wish that "Roundabout" sounded more like Anthem of The Sun, and really, that's what they're trying to do, when you think about it! And they succeed. Oh, yes, they do. And their work is a shitload more focused than the music on this here album. Like Yes, they're down with melodies. Melodies upon melodies. And when they jam, the focus is less on some boring shit-jazz fusion guitar soloing and more on just making a big 'ol noise for God to beat one to. Love that fucking band. Anthem of The Sun is pretty cool, too. If you think it's cool to SUCK, that is! Aaaaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhh2hhhhh>0%p[o38h!!!!!!!!!!!

Song: The Frogs - It's Only Right & Natural

Travis Morrison Hellfighters - All Y'all

Alright, so this isn't bad at all! Remember when his last record got a 0.0 from a certain online "indie rock" publication? Did it deserve such a low rating? Nah. I mean, I can see somebody accusing it of being "laughably horrible," but I can also see somebody saying the same thing about Emergency & I. Music that is flamboyantly obnoxious certainly does have the power to divide audiences like nothing else. But man, Travistan had a few perfectly enjoyable songs, remember? So how is it the worst thing ever? I don't know. Then again, these are the people who actually think that Wolf Parade is a listenable and not shitty rock band.

So let me just say that All Y'all is quite the improvement over Travistan, which despite an awesome song or two, sounded like shit and contained quite a plethora of awkward moments. Not enough to warrant a 0.0, mind you! It was kind of like a shity Paul McCartney solo album in that it's not that he was half-assing it, but instead just showing too much of an uninspired lack of restraint. This new one is solid, though! What does it sound like, hmm? Well, don't expect those early Plan-style freak-outs. Think more along the lines of Change. Remember how "Sentimental Man" and "Superpowers" were totally smooth and groovy? This is more of that. Except he takes it even further! That's right, dude actually presents a logical sort of progression of an earlier established sound! There are lots of electric pianos on here, which makes everything sound like Steely Dan-style "yacht rock." Seriously! And it's an interesting path to take, I feel.

Which brings me to one of the reasons that this thing really impresses me and why Travis the Solo Artist doesn't deserve the bad rap that has been unfairly thrusted upon him. Do you people really expect him to just make Dismemberment Plan records? They're not a band anymore! Lots of things you loved about the Plan will not be found in these Travis records! Travis, while clearly the central figure of the group, had as much to do with their sound as all the other dudes in the band. Looking for that classic D-Plan chemistry on these records? It's not there, sorry. So don't look for it. It's all Travis now. This is the sound of one (the most noticeable, at that) element of the Dismemberment Plan doin' it all on his own.

And it sounds great, in my opinion. Sure, he's got all of these chilled out yacht rock things goin' on, but he also does a lot of really cool, interesting shit that makes your ears perk up and go, "Huh?" The Sun Ra Arkestra-style horns in "I'm Not Supposed To Like You (But)," for one thing! They're awesome! He didn't have to throw them in for five seconds! But he did! And "Catch Up" is actually sort of proggy! The jazzy melody sounds like something the Soft Machine or some people would have played the shit out of, there's this one awesome, sudden change in the second half, all this shit. And there's a rapper in the chorus! And it all WORKS, goddamnit! That's the thing, this music sounds pretty normal, but it's just normal enough for him to be able to do all this cool shit like the twin guitar lines in "I Do" (sounds like Steely Dan again!) and not fall completely flat on his face. Or better yet, get the shit beaten out of him outside of a Gap! Which according to a certain online "indie rock" publication, is what all of Travistan is about. Except the songs about the presidents. And the one about all of those animals. And pretty much all of the other songs except for one. No, I will not let go of this.

Rating: These melodies really grab me, you know? I've been listening to this thing a lot... been really excited about going back to it. Just really good idiosyncratic pop music from a guy who knows a thing or two about making really good idiosyncratic pop music. I'd say that it's "a pretty competent pop/rock album," but that would be a lie, 'cause All Y'all is a hell of a lot more than just that. This shit stands on its own, mang. Good job, Travis.

Song: A video of Talking Heads playing "Cities" in Rome! AWESOME!!!

New Order - Substance

Disc one has the greatest songs of all-time all the fuck over it. "Ceremony," "Bizarre Love Triangle," and of course, the immortally fantastic '87 remix thing of "Temptation." "Blue Monday" is on here, too. "True Faith" is awesome. "Shellshocked," "Who's Joe," "Shame of the Nation," and "The Perfect Kiss" all rule a bitch. The rest of the songs are pretty good, too. "Everything's Gone Green" is basically "Blue Monday" if "Blue Monday" was written and assembled in such a way that no one would ever actually give a shit about it, and hey, it's still damn good. Essential listening, all of these things. Especially "Temptation." Oh god, "Temptation."

Sadly, the second disc is largely a bunch of boring "club mixes" or something and I never listen to it. Oh, well.

Rating: I don't know.

Song: The Groundhogs - Thank Christ For The Bomb

Baroness - Red Album

I am not a metal guy. I try to be a metal guy, sure, I've listened to some Papa Roach and 90s Metallica just like any other guy and found it pretty heavy. However, by and large, I'm not into it too much. Which is weird, because I've typically liked every metal album I've heard, for instance, Slayer's last record was really great and also the Beatles.

However, I think this is a metal album that any boy or girl of any age can enjoy. The lyrics are rated PG for some suggestive dialogue. At one part there is a song where the singer talks about having anal sex with a small boy, fucking and sucking his pole. Drinking the juice that comes out of his prepubescent member. These lyrics didn't sit well with me as a practicing catholic. Therefore I vote we shun this devil music and cast it back whence it came. Trouble the souls of our children no more.

No, but in all seriousness, fans of music should check this record out. It's technically metal, but in the relaxed southern style. These boys are from Georgia and prefer to keep things slow and melodic rather than bone-raping and skeletal. I could even see faggots like the dude from Decemberists and various other felons enjoying this album. This album has more in common with Daft Punk than it does Carcass.

Fans of big fucking boners will love this album too. There are dicks everyone on the album cover, on the album art. You just can't see them on the cover in JPG format because President Bush is censoring the internet and controlling all of our thoughts don't be controlled

Rating: It's one of my favorite records of this year. I've included a download link so everyone give it a shot, it's seriously an album for everyone, not just beer-chuggin, dick slammin, skinhead nazi fucks.

Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/c0ya7n

Some Quasi album or something.

So this kid at school burned me some Quasi CD because last Friday I saw that he had a Pissed Jeans - Hope For Men button on his bag and I was like, "Holy crap, is that a Pissed Jeans pin?!" and he was like, "I don't know, I got it at Pitchfork" and then he had a Sleater-Kinney button and a Janet Weiss button and was like, "Dude, Quasi is totally amazing! I saw them at Touch & Go last year! They're like Built To Spill except not boring!" and I was like, "Awesome, man, I was there for Shellac, Big Black, Scratch Acid, Girls Against Boys, awesome weekend" and he was like, "Yeah, man !!! was amazing" and at this point, I was like, "Eh, yeah" and then today he gave me some Quasi CD that he had burned and I listened to it and now we are here, writing this blog entry.

And the album... sucks. I could have written these shitty, generic indie pop songs of shit. Oh, wow, there's a distorted organ or synth or something, great! Oh, yeah, this song is in some wacky time signature for a little bit, awesome. Piano, WOW! This is like shitty Ben Folds meets Beulah or something. I mean, it's like Built To Spill if Built To Spill was just completely horrible instead of just sort of boring. Fuck this album.

Rating: ZERO STARS. Only my SHIT. Not even that, though. Man, what a waste of 41 minutes of my life.

Song: Comus - First Utterance... stellar album.

VHS OR BETA - BRING ON THE COMETS

Today SLRJ presents a work-safe and non-work-safe review of the new VHS or Beta

Work-safe

I don't get it, It bores me. i'm too tired to review an album right now. I start class tomorrow.

Not-work safe version

Yea

Rating: i didn't listen to the whole thing.

Download: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=U0SKQ13C

Clockcleaner - Babylon Rules

The cover is evidence enough. Look at that nice, glossy photograph! These bros have risen up from the muck 'n murk of their early days and have joined major label yacht rock conglomerate Load Records as an official "up and coming young American rock 'n roll combo." Even though the bassist is like, 31 fucking years old! Dan and I saw them live at Permanent Records and we were in front and she kept grinding up against our throbbing, swollen members as she played her six string bass like the butt lovin' boner slave that she so aspires to be.

But enough about Clockcleaner, the world's oldest band. This is their new album! Like I said, they're movin' on up from the depths of the noise-rock underground. First full-length was on Reptilian Records (RELEASER OF ALBUMS BY DWARVES AND HEROINE SHEIKS, FUCK YEAH) and had a really crudely drawn cover of some stuff or something, fuck. And it sounded like a raging inferno of teenage mutant ninja feces inside Mother Nature's industrial vagina. Really poopy like. And it was great. Luckily, on the band's follow-up In Utero, they finally acknowledge that "teenage angst has paid off well/now I'm bored and old" because they're such fucking elderly pieces of fucking shit. That's right, fuck 'em. They're not any good at all. In Your Honour was the best thing they ever did, and even that's merely the greatest album ever recorded. Better than Bleed American, even.

Okay, just kidding. Nothing is better than Bleed American. Not even this album, which once again finds Clockcleaner at their top of their game as America's best loved buzz band. Remember when you first heard "Gentle Swastika" on the OC and it made you the die-hard super destiny Clockcleaner devotee that you are today? That's fucking right, it did. You most likely won't be disappointed with this new full-length LP, then! The songs still completely pound a bitch, the riffs are still repetitive and abrasive, and John Sharkey is still playing guitar with a quarter so that he can make his trademark "REEEEERRREEHHHHEEEEEHRHHREERRRREEEEEEEE" noise. BUT SOME THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.

For one thing, the last album didn't have Karen. Karen is a woman who plays the bass guitar. She's on this album, and the bass, while often distorted, sounds a lot clearer and punchier and it rules. So do the drums, for that matter! They sound fabulous on here! Who the fuck recorded this? Bob Weston's doing the next one, right? Not this one? I think so. But anyways, man, this fuckin' thing just sounds crystal friggin' clear! The Hassler was just kind of cold and distant, and Nevermind was really just like this brilliant shit storm of wonderfulness, but this thing is just like a big candy colored sperm load of well-produced heavy. Really pleasing to listen to! A lot of really brutal albums just don't sound that way, you know? This album does, though. So do albums such as the Melvins' Hostile Ambient Takeover and Kevin Drumm's Sheer Hellish Miasma. Abrasive shit that's actually pleasant to have running through your ears. Kudos, albums.

One super ultra MAJOR difference here, though. For some reason, John Sharkey has recently deciding to stop screaming everything like some pissed off crazy guy. Maybe his voice was disappearing too fast? I don't know. I'll ask him some day. So he's actually sort of "singing" now, and in a much lower, more throaty register than his screams on older Clockcleaner records. And it sounds okay most of the time! I mean, his BRUTALLY ROARIN' vox provided many of the highpoints of Nevermind and really added a lot to the band's poop flingingly abrasive manner of music-making. His new style sounds a little bit less scary. When I first heard "Vomiting Mirrors" earlier this year, I was like, "Aw, shit! This doesn't sound dangerous! It just sounds like some novelty crap! He's singing about little doggies on the railroad tracks in a dumb voice, what the hell!" But it's not so bad, really. Good songs on here! They played "Caliente Queen" when I saw them live, and I remember that song because it had a bouncy feel-good sex beat. "Daddy Issues" is pretty much the "N.S.A." of this album, a fast, brief (compared to the rest of the album's six minute epics) punker before they close it out with more SIKK BROOTALITY. Crank out the brews for this one! And "When My Ship Comes In" just fucking KILLS IT. Ah, man, the things I would do to this song if I only had a cock. Made of songs. Or something.

Rating: They're still good! Go Clockcleaner, go! Keep releasing an album a year, OF the year (ha, well, maybe... it's definitely a major highlight of 2007, at least)! Also, Let's Stay Friends is still amazing. I listened to it twice today. Fuck yeah. Hell, fuck YES. And that's the review! The end.

Song: "Caliente Queen"

Weezer - Maladroit

This is what Weezer sounds like when they're all in the bathroom having sex with each other. Seriously, flash back to 2002. After coming off the Weez "revival" and released the critically acclaimed/maligned Green Album. Weezer were on top of the commercial yogurt. 2001 will forever be known by the label: "How Cuomo Got His Groove Back"(or Grover, that video with the fucking muppets blasting cum on Cuomo's face is cute.)

This victory in power-pop stardom was short lived, however. It seemed that Weezer wanted to make-up for the crisis of infinite earths created by their lack of productivity in the latter half of the 90th century. Thusly, Rivers and company decided to place a mouth-watering loaf of half-baked ideas, riffs, corny songwriting, bake for roughly 37 minutes, let cool for 1 year, and then launch it onto your raving fanbase after tantalizing them with demos of your new album over the last year. No one thought this album could possibly be bad(well, except for Weezer detractors, but we all know they're a bunch of butt-loving faggots anyway).

Maladroit has been, and always will be a piece of shit. A lot of people at the time claimed that Maladroit was actually the superior album to Green and that it hearkened back to Weezer's 90s heyday. This is an incorrect opinion, however. Weezer never sounded like this. I mean, sure, Weezer was always big on cheesy, Van-Halen-esque guitar riffs, but as always. Mr. Cuomo always wore his heart on his sleeve, and envoked a fun playfulness in his music and lyrics. Maladroit is not fun for anyone. It's like living in a turkish prison for a half hour and some change. It's music trying desperately to sound important even when though the message is vapid and thread-bare.

That said, There's still a couple tracks of pop goodness on this listless turd. "Burnt Jamb" and uh, well the singles are alright too. My copy of this album that I have burned to my computer is all crapped up and the songs cut off before they're over. A blessing in disguise.

Rating: The worst Weezer album in existence. At least Make Believe is fun, fuck this shit.

Download:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ND6CN6S2

Pig Destroyer - Phantom Limb

Today I came home and proceeded to listen to this album three times in a row.

Do you know what grindcore is? Grindcore is metal played as fast as humanly possible, more or less. It ain't a pleasant listen. Napalm Death pretty much invented it, didn't they? Once upon a time, D.R.I. decided to play punk rock ridiculously fast and awesomely, and then Napalm Death made it all metal-y and added "OOOOGGGHHH" vocals and it hurt your mama's ears. Basically this huge blur of pummeling noise. It rules, yeah. Grindcore.

But the dudes had really short songs and they had one that was like, a second long or something! Hey! They obviously had a pretty good sense of humour about this stuff. Later, there were other grindcore bands. Eventually, they started to get more and more technical! Dillinger Escape Plan, for example. I mean, they're heavy. And they kick your ass and scream at you. But they're still kind of dorky and rackety, what with all the super mathy playing making things a bit rackety in a really techy sort of way. Same with Daughters. There's a lot of humour there and in a lot of other stuff like this, what with all the high pitched noises and balls-out shredfests and such. And that's great! But man, this band. THIS BAND IS SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.

Pig Destroyer is really angry about something. Who knows what. Phantom Limb is pure kickassness. And it's technical and all and they can play their asses off. But man, this shit is more just about the metal, you know? I mean, shit, these dudes completely fucking deliver, no bullshit. Really, you know how some albums just rock harder than all other albums? They just kick more ass? Well, this one kicks a lot of ass. Shit is heavy. Riff after riff of pure skull crushing metal amazingness. Played fast, yeah, but not comically so. And there are slower parts, too! They groove. Hard. This shit just roars like none other. And it never lets up. Never. All other so-called "grindcore" bands should hang their heads in defeat, 'cause Pig Destroyer's science is simply too tight.

And the last track is a really sweet idea on these guys' part! After the most violent half hour long rocking of your life, you are treated to a nice "cool down" track, evoking the good 'ol rural back porch days via cricket noises and an old timey country barbershop campfire transistor radio sing songy. Sort of like after you've been boning some broad in her zex puzzy for three hours and you decide to just surprise her with some butt love. They love that! Use someone else's wang dang, though. 'Cause they SHIT out of those things! Fuckin' BITCHES.

Rating: Good for buttfucking. And there's NO BASS. What the hell? And it totally doesn't matter, either! There's plenty of low-end to go around and kick your ass. Great record. One of the year's finest!

Song: "Girl In The Slayer Jacket"... song completely fucking rules, yeah.

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Les Savy Fav - Let's Stay Friends

I hate this cover, really! What's up with "indie people" and cartoons of woodland creatures? It pisses me off greatly. I mean, I love bears, red pandas, and lemurs and all that shit, but the whole "indie culture" has ruined all of that awesome shit for me. And it angers me greatly. So fuck you, hipsters and your bright colored t-shirts that don't fit you.

And fuck you for being part of a culture that at its worst and most generic, tries to sound like Les Savy Fav and fails miserably. Seriously, there really is a sort of generic "indie melodicism" that seeps through everything from Parts & Labour to Death Cab For Cutie to Oxford Collapse to Maps & Atlases. And regardless of the quality of any of those bands' music, when it all comes down to it, Les Savy Fav fucking shits all over all of it. They possess a lot of that "generic indie melodicism"... I mean, these melodies are very INDIE, aren't they? You can tell, can't you? But man, they're just so much better than all other music that "sounds indie," right? Right!

Seriously, is this "indie dance rock" or whatever? Lots of bands try and sound like the Dismemberment Plan, they do. Maybe you haven't heard a lot of those bands because they're too unremarkable and unoriginal to get any attention. They try and sound like Les Savy Fav, too. And they suck at it. Fuck them. Fuck them hard and long. Wow. I love this album.

Seriously, this is the best full-length these guys have done as of yet, probably. They sound like they just put their all into it. Like, they really must have focused on the sonics and stuff! There's acoustic guitars and the mix is just so full and there's girls singing on some songs and man, this is just a solid pop/rock album that I keep playing over and over. This is the sound of a band putting forth all the fucking effort in the world. It's not just dancey Brainiac-type shit. This is just awesome modern indie rock greatness and fuck, I love this album. It's awesome. I can't stop listening to it. Les Savy Fav gets it done so fucking hard, fuck. I love you, Les Savy Fav. Wow.

Rating: It rocks. And it's just awesome. Really fucking awesome. Yeah.

Song: THE ALBUM!!!

My Bloody Valentine - Isn't Anything

I'm really tired right now. Sorry that I didn't update yesterday. I had to help my friends move into an apartment in Chicago. After we were done I just sort of sat there and realized how old we were all getting. A bunch of kids from Batavia finally making it on our own.

I live in Dekalb now, at least for the year. I don't really consider myself anything but a Batavian though. All my important stuff is still there. I think a man's residence is where his CD collection is. My CDs are all still in Batavia. I will still buy all my CDs in Batavia. It was just a simple handshake between my dad and a hug from my mom when i left. Completely appropriate for these circumstances, there was none of that "my little boy is growing up" bullshit because I really haven't grown up at all. I didn't move out my CDs because I know I'm going back there, the day I move my albums to a different residence, well, that means I'll have become a man.

One of the albums I did bring to Dekalb was this one. It's one of my favorite albums of all time. Why? Because of the fuckin' songs. My Bloody Valentine were always a really noisy shoegaze band bent on global domination. Ambience, walls of guitars and all that, but I really just enjoy them way more when they're writing really guitar-heavy pop songs like the ones on here. "Feed me With Your Kiss" and "Cupid Come" are two of the greatest songs I've ever heard. Maybe they don't quite match the understated, fuzzy, brilliance of "When You Sleep" off of Loveless(their anti-pop album, which ironically hosts the poppiest song they ever did), but it certainly comes close.

Rating: One of the greatest albums of all time, no, really! It's just a shame that the T.V. that my roommate is watching is turned up so loud. I can't hear it as well as I'd like to. The funny thing is, I have more personal shit connected to Loveless, but I still like this one better. Loveless isn't really that good of an album, but I have such a connection to it personally, it fits into a certain time of my life, just like favorite records tend to do. Isn't Anything is just nothing more than one of the most brilliant guitar albums ever written. I haven't made that personal connection to it quite yet. Maybe it's day will come when it will soundtrack something for me, until then, I'll just jam to it on my first of many nights at 501 college ave.

Download: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=LRZTVAOJ

Akron/Family - Love Is Simple

When I saw that the first and last songs on this were both called "Love, Love, Love," I got a bit worried. Was this going to just be a bunch of hippy crap? Meek Warrior tracks like "Gone Beyond" and "Love & Space" and "Dolphin Song," blown up to full-length proportions? God, I hoped not.

Unfortunately, that's exactly what Love Is Simple is. Meek Warrior wasn't really intended to be an "album," but instead a "mini-album" of sorts, a stopgap between Ak Ak's phenomenal '05 output and wherever the fuck their future is about to take them. Well, we're here. And man, this is definitely not the preferred direction that I wanted to see these guys move in!

See, their self-titled record contains some of my absolute favorite music of 2005, and some of the most beautiful, affecting music I've ever had the pleasure to experience. Despite the collective, "indie freak folk" vibe the album seemed to give off, the music was really just extremely intimate, very personal shit. There were moments of absolute transcendence, the ultimate realization of what this kind of communal hippy shit tries so hard to achieve. Lyrically, too... just lovely stuff. It achieves a kind of beauty for me that something like Sufjan's "Predatory Wasp of the Palisades" does for a lot of other listeners.

The split with Angels of Light was a whole different sort of monster. "Raising The Sparks" and "Moment" were absolutely fucking insane... noisy, proggy, and possessed with such a FIERY sort of energy, to the point where your brain just fucking leaps out of your skull out of sheer excitement. Hell, the rest of the songs weren't too bad, either! Hippyish, yeah. Their music certainly doesn't hide the fact that these guys have great big bushy beards. But there was this sort of beautiful youthful exuberance in the music that made you think, "Oh, wow, these young people are seriously talented and could probably do ANYTHING if they wanted to! I mean, shit!"

Meek Warrior was nice as a "stopgap," yes. Short, only 35 minutes or so. Quite a departure from their debut's very "ambitious full length"-ish hour long running time. It's a slight album. They sounded like they had fun pulling songs out of their ass, shitting out ridiculous multipart free jazz influenced smelly hippy freakouts, collectively belting choruses like "RIIIIIIIDE, DOLPHIIIIIN, RIIIIIIIIDE!!!!!!!," and nodding toward a campfire evoking Dead concert closer like "And We Bid You Goodnight" with "Love & Space."

And so now we have Love Is Simple, which is basically more of the Meek Warrior hippy shit, but stretched out to nearly an hour. Nothing here has the substance of the debut, and none of it rocks as hard as the highlights of the AoL split. They sound like they're having fun being smelly hippies and worshipping the sun and finding enlightenment through delicious marijuana drugs. They sound like they are all for love and peace. And hey, love and peace! Great! But man, this certainly isn't a progression of any sort. It's pretty much the same thing they were doing on Split LP tracks like "Future Myth," but with a lot more of Meek Warrior's lightheaded lolness. They still have those nice group vocals, though! I'm seeing them next month, yeah. I hope they just make noise and piss in their own mouths like the Black Lips.


Rating: Some okay melodies, I suppose. Feels a bit by-numbers, though. I don't know about this sort of stuff working for a full album. I mean, the "love, love, love" shit is great on a 35 minute mini-album, but man, when your debut is as multi-dimensional and affecting as Akron/Family managed to be... this kind of crap seems a bit effortless in comparison. I said all this in my Meek Warrior review a long time ago, remember? I still enjoy this album to some extent (nice melodies here and there) and am super glad that they make music and release said music often. They seem to have exhausted a lot of aspects of their sound and overall appproach over the course of only two years, so seeing where they travel to next is certainly something that I greatly anticipate! So go, Akron/Family! Seize the day! It is yours! So put out a better album next time, you fucking asshole bearded cunt fags. Fuck you.

Song: Disco Inferno - The Five EP's... incredible.

Sun City Girls - 330,003 Crossdressers From Beyond Rig Veda

The Screamers are fucking amazing, yeah. Download all bootlegs off Soulseek, everybody.

This is a double CD. It is some asslong shit. Both discs are an hour or something. The first disc is a bunch of totally rad COMPOSITIONS, and the second is a bunch of totally rad IMPROVISATIONS. The actual songs are pretty cool. They're all wacky and full of funny voices, like the Residents or Caroliner. Totally kooky art-rock, these. But they're all ethnic-like, as we have come to expect from this cutting edge experimentation machine, the Barenaked Ladies. Shit like "CCC" sounds like some creepy desert nightmare or some crap! I dig the balls off of it. It has a rad melody, too, which a lot of these songs also have, wonderfully. Just cool little melodic diddley doos to grab and shake you and finger your girlfriend/girljizzlapper.

And then the second CD. THE SECOND CD. Lots of people like one MARK PRINDLE aren't too fond of the Sun City Girls' dick-around tendencies. And it definitely is "dicking around." I mean, that's what free improvisation is, isn't it? No matter how meaningful the connection and interaction between musicians is, they're all just kind of playing what comes to them. It's dicking around! But I love it. I could listen to this shit all fucking day. Maybe smoke some drugs while I'm at it. Just awesome repetitive spaced-out shit. Like middle-eastern krautrock! Have you heard the new Sapat album? It's on Siltbreeze and awesome.

Rating: They have a fuck ton of albums. Maybe they have ones a fuck ton better than this one. I certainly listen to something like Horse Cock Phepner more. But if you're looking for the Girls' "signature sound," this is definitely the album you want. Mounds and mounds of psyched up reefer insanity. Richard Bishop is an awesome guitarist, by the way! I downloaded his solo albums and am gonna see him with Bill Callahan next month! Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, Charles Gocher died this year. He was the drummer in this band and was as old as my parents. So they won't be putting out any more records. They were legendary, though. RIP, Charles. And RIP, Sun City Girls. You pwned my ass all around the block. I'm listening to you right now. Thanks for the mammaries.

Song: "CCC"... I mentioned this song earlier. It's good. Suck me.

The Screamers - Demos 1977-78

I am reviewing a band that doesn't even really exist in our internet age. They never recorded an album. We don't really have scenes anymore, we have movements. We have dudes from New York aping dudes from Britain. Music has become this big homogenous evolving creature I think, ever since the advent of the internet. I'm not really sure how many people are behind me, but it seems like back in the day, a band like The Screamers might have gained a lot more notoriety around the country for being a phenomenal band because we could transfer music around like a mere snap of a finger! It didn't happen though. The Screamers were L.A's baby, rather than it's gift to the world. You can't trade what we see with our eyes all that well yet, just our ears. Bootlegging video is still sort of awkward with our primitive internet connections, and is not very practical. Therefore, the visceral experience of a Screamers show would have been lost on a midwestern, uncultured schlub like me.

Around this time in the 1970s I would probably be jerking off to David Bowie records and purchasing tickets to that Led Zeppelin tour that never happened because John "lard ass" Bonham(who reportedly became so obese he would swallow his drumset after shows in storage rather than have his roadies take it down, and then vomit it profusely when necessary to perform.) happened to be a train wreck of a human garbage disposal. Yet, there was tons of exciting music out there that was lost on people who weren't "down" or "hip with it." Nowadays, any bro can just log onto the internet, click on Pitchfork and start jamming to some supposed hipster indie rock. I think it's all sort of bullshit, really. However, this begs the question. Is it better for music to be widely available by just a click of a mouse, or should we be hearkening back to the old days when great music was sometimes forever lost or buried through the annals of rock n' roll history? The question when posed in this form is obviously a very, very obvious one. I love being able to catch on all sorts of bullshit I missed out on because I was just a sperm in my dads sack, but music has sort of lost that familarity and coziness to it, that feeling of ultra-hipsterdom that I'll never know.

Rating: This is really sick, early punk rock. It's got new wave influences and the like, some of the coolest songs are the keyboard heavy ones. Everything is still really raw and unfinished, like a punk rock record should sound, anyway. A lost classic that was never recorded. I'm fortunate to hear it.

Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/mjx643

ZZ Top - ZZ Top's First Album

This is ZZ Top's first album.

It's bluesy hard rock, basically. It's short. The songs all basically have snappy little blues riffs. They're all pretty much the same tempo (NEVER MIND, THAT'S NOT TOTALLY ACCURATE, SORRY.) They're all pretty much the same. Same goes for the next album.

But the album is awesome! Most ZZ Top albums are. Cool people like them. Steve Albini likes them. Steve Albini likes it when you finger his tight we

Rating: Good album! I like ZZ Top a lot. I can just listen to their first four albums non-stop, all in a row. They're all pretty danged similar. I don't really have anything much more to say about this. I pretty much covered their first several albums with this "review." They have guitars and they're bluesy. Also, they sing about eatin' pussy. Like, the pussy of MINORITIES! Black chicks and mexican chicks and the like. Because they had big beards. Big, pussy eatin' beards. Man, what a sorry excuse for a review this is. If you've read Mark Prindle's ZZ Top review page, you've probably heard plenty of ZZ Top/pussy jokes. "Neighbor Neighbor" and "Brown Sugar" are awesome songs! This album is solid! It's true rock 'n roll. It's way better than Pearl Jam.

Song: A Pavement mix I made... INDIE ROCK!!!!!!