Monday, March 12, 2007


Ronald Reagan- Alzheimer Blues

Ronald Reagan is dead and he was a fag. He won landslide elections because all of the faux-hippies turned yuppies voting for him, and later on these geniuses would coin such phrases as "shoot me an email," and "surfing on the web." It is possible that hipsters voted for Reagan under the notion that liking Ronald Reagan movies from the 1950s was the incredibly hip and ironic thing to do.

I have to write a 30 page paper on Neoconservatism by Thursday and I've barely started. Some of the great things that I've learned about Ronald Reagan are that he thought trees caused pollution, and that that the most rigorous analysis his economic policies went through was an incorrect calculation on a napkin during a cabinet meeting. If you don't believe me, look for a book by David Stockman about his years with Reagan, and then look at your or your parent's political beliefs with revulsion.

I don't want to go on a huge political rant and forever contaminate this little marketplace of musical criticisms, but the sheer volume and weight of facts that contradict the positives of neoconservatism for the last two decades makes me want to blow my brains out. I'm pretty sure that one day, during civil war in the United States, some great moment of irony will occur and one of my old hockey player friends who's in the Marines now will be the one responsible for killing me while I'm holding a huge sign that says, "Liberty or death."

When we were teens, he would often call me a hippie (I don't think he knew what he was talking about) and would tell me about his conservative religious beliefs (I don't think he knew what he was talking about). Sometimes he posts pseudo-Jesuit allegories on his Facebook (TM) about why all hippies and liberals are stupid and how they just complain and do nothing, completely ignoring the fact that doing something, such as joining the marines and killing "ragheads" for Jesus Christ Our Lord Savior in Oil (That was an actual knock on hippies) and bringing the country into financial ruin by electing oafish twats is actually worse then doing nothing. I also feel like he's completely ignored the historical fact that real liberals haven't been in power since Kennedy/FDR (Although, the Clintons would have been close had they had their health care proposals gone through). It is ironic that I will probably die at this old friends' hands sometime in my life.


Anyways, Ronald Reagan, aside from being a professional idiot and corporate tool, was a pretty witty guy. After he got shot, he told his doctors that he hoped they were Republicans. One time he made everyone at the Republican National Convention stop for a few minutes and think about Jesus and shit. I think he was really just having a "Senior Moment," and that they should have fucking kicked him off the ticket immediately after and put on someone who's brain wasn't atrophying faster then Orson "fucking fat dumbass" Welles can eat a nine course meal.


Rating: Two thumbs down

Download: Ronald Reagan being hilarious

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Orson Welles is dead.

Roger_Daltree said...

Hahah, he was so fat.

Anonymous said...

Soiledlittlerockjams should review Justin Timberland's FutureLove/SexSounds next week.

Roger_Daltree said...

I think someone is cooking up a review of Margaret Thatcher.

Joe said...

I just expected that was going to be the famous Rappin' Ronnie Reagan track.

Leif Garret(t) said...

Heh, heh. You know something? He did say "well" a lot.

Leif Garret(t) said...

Dude, I am so baked right now.

Roger_Daltree said...

FUCK YOU OMAR CRUZ