Les Rallizes Denudes - Le 12 Mars 1977 a Tachikawa

Japanese people are fucking crazy. This is a two-disc live album recorded in 1977 or so, and every song consists of a rhythm section banging out some wildly STUPID groove while some guy with sunglasses and a leather jacket sings into a mic loaded with mounds of effects and once in a while he or the other guitarist melts your face off with great gobs of guitar noise. And the songs are all really long, like ten minutes or some shit.

Not only does the tape sound badly damaged, but it is constantly overpowered by the sheer volume of the instruments, especially the guitar noise, which is such an overbearing presence that it frequently cuts out the bass and drums.

This band gets labeled as "psychedelic rock," but this ain't the Grateful Dead, brah. It was made by a bunch of foreigners, so it's totally freaky and "wrong." Still, if you like drugs, you'll probably dig this shit.

I'm pretty sure the only version of this that's even remotely easy to find is a bootleg/import. Get it if you come across it, I urge you!

Rating: 8.4/10

Song: Brainbombs - Obey... great record.

Warhammer 48k - Uber Om

Wow, what an album. Warhammer 48k is one of the greatest bands ever pretty much, and no one has even heard of them before. This is some heavy shit though, I like to listen to it to make myself feel much more metal than I already am.

I'm going to go see them in about a month or so, I've also become myspace friends with the band, I heartily recommend giving this album a try if you can muster up the balls. Seriously, this album isn't for sissies, or "Belle & Sebastian" types, Warhammer 48k will break off your head and snap your neck or some such nonsense.

I should also point out that fans of guitars will like this album, and if you don't like guitars, then what the fuck is wrong with you???




This is Warhammer 48k killing fans of twee and indie baroque-orch-fey-jangly pop. Don't be one of them. Wilco rules.

Rating: 666/10.

Song: Here's the whole album!

Ronald Reagan- Alzheimer Blues

Ronald Reagan is dead and he was a fag. He won landslide elections because all of the faux-hippies turned yuppies voting for him, and later on these geniuses would coin such phrases as "shoot me an email," and "surfing on the web." It is possible that hipsters voted for Reagan under the notion that liking Ronald Reagan movies from the 1950s was the incredibly hip and ironic thing to do.

I have to write a 30 page paper on Neoconservatism by Thursday and I've barely started. Some of the great things that I've learned about Ronald Reagan are that he thought trees caused pollution, and that that the most rigorous analysis his economic policies went through was an incorrect calculation on a napkin during a cabinet meeting. If you don't believe me, look for a book by David Stockman about his years with Reagan, and then look at your or your parent's political beliefs with revulsion.

I don't want to go on a huge political rant and forever contaminate this little marketplace of musical criticisms, but the sheer volume and weight of facts that contradict the positives of neoconservatism for the last two decades makes me want to blow my brains out. I'm pretty sure that one day, during civil war in the United States, some great moment of irony will occur and one of my old hockey player friends who's in the Marines now will be the one responsible for killing me while I'm holding a huge sign that says, "Liberty or death."

When we were teens, he would often call me a hippie (I don't think he knew what he was talking about) and would tell me about his conservative religious beliefs (I don't think he knew what he was talking about). Sometimes he posts pseudo-Jesuit allegories on his Facebook (TM) about why all hippies and liberals are stupid and how they just complain and do nothing, completely ignoring the fact that doing something, such as joining the marines and killing "ragheads" for Jesus Christ Our Lord Savior in Oil (That was an actual knock on hippies) and bringing the country into financial ruin by electing oafish twats is actually worse then doing nothing. I also feel like he's completely ignored the historical fact that real liberals haven't been in power since Kennedy/FDR (Although, the Clintons would have been close had they had their health care proposals gone through). It is ironic that I will probably die at this old friends' hands sometime in my life.

Anyways, Ronald Reagan, aside from being a professional idiot and corporate tool, was a pretty witty guy. After he got shot, he told his doctors that he hoped they were Republicans. One time he made everyone at the Republican National Convention stop for a few minutes and think about Jesus and shit. I think he was really just having a "Senior Moment," and that they should have fucking kicked him off the ticket immediately after and put on someone who's brain wasn't atrophying faster then Orson "fucking fat dumbass" Welles can eat a nine course meal.

Rating: Two thumbs down

Download: Ronald Reagan being hilarious