Thursday, December 03, 2009

The Band - The Band

Despite recognizing the greatness of The Band's most widely loved songs for as long as I've been familiar with their position in the pop/rock canon, I was always a bit wary of checking out any full length LPs. After all, despite all the stellar tunes and awesome guest musicians in The Last Waltz, there's still something about these dudes that just drains all the fun out of anything their music touches. If The Band were a color, they would be the drab poopy brown of this eponymous sophomore release. If they were a time period other than the exhausted "return to the ROOTS" post-psychedelia era during which they were most active and influential, they would be the mid 1800's, jamming out on a slave plantation a couple Victorian mansions down from Neil Young cranking out the Harvest classics. If they were an age, they would be fucking old. Even with all the coke and pussy and rock star excess, these guys still dreamed of being elderly and boring and having mustaches.

Music From Big Pink, The Band's five star classic debut album from 1968, does not epitomize these qualities to the most successful degree. It's too good. Too melodic. Too sweet. The Band, though. The shadow of Dylan lingers no longer. Robbie Robertson is here to write some songs and not sing anything because as we heard in "To Kingdom Come," his charming crap voice is downright Grateful Dead worthy. Anyways, this album sucks. I can't remember how any of the songs go, save for "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down," "Jawbone," "Rag Mama Rag," "Up On Cripple Creek," and a few seconds of "Whispering Pines." Not all of those are even that great, though. This hookless crap is just a bunch of honky tonk pianos and dicks being slapped against butter churners. Makes John Wesley Harding sound like happy hardcore!!!

Rating: 0/5

Download Link: All 5 of the Dam-Funk albums... I've been playing these all morning. Great shit.

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