Thursday, October 19, 2006

Hatewave - Hatewave

Hi, this is a metal album. You can tell because the cover is all bloody and you can't read the band's name that's on the front. The average American likes to make a big deal out of the album's "controversial lyrics" and "shocking cover art" (there are pictures of African peoples with their faces smashed in on the back! Chim chim chiree!) But you can't actually understand the lyrics on the album (the lyrics sheet is somewhat entertaining I guess), and I'd rather not make a joke about that second part, considering the abundance of hate-mail we received from our African-American readership based on yesterday's McCartney review.

The awesome song titles ("Cock Vs. Cunt," "Slit The Catholic Throat," "Dani California") simply aren't enough to make me forget about the unfortunate fact that the music isn't much different from your everyday generic grindcore jizz, and the fact that everyday generic grindcore jizz is something that I happen to enjoy isn't enough to make me forget about how shitty this album sounds. The guitars are mixed way, way too low! Why are the drums louder than everything? That completely takes away from the technical impressiveness that we are supposed to absorb upon listening to this album. You're supposed to be able to hear how the instruments all lock up all nicely, and how everybody is counting in 14/23 time or whatever because they're geniuses. Instead, it just sounds rackety and shitty.

Also, there is no bass, so there's no bottom-end except in the awesome cookie monster vocals and in the brutal as hell (shit sounding) bass drum. The drummer on this album is a gentleman by the name of Weasel Walter (of Flying Luttenbachers/Lake of Dracula/Wilco fame)! He can play faster and heavier than most drum playing human beings, seriously. And these songs are really, really fucking fast! Like, ridiculously fast. I'm telling you, this album would completely live up to (The Misf)its legacy of brutality if it actually sounded somewhat kickass rather than NOT AT ALL. Worth my six dollars? Probably not. I feel cheated.

Rating: The CD has a hilarious cartoon drawing of a baby with a crucifix shoved between his asscheeks being peed on while saying, "Fuck you Jesus! Ha, ha!" I give it a 6 to 4, 25, or Terry Kath!

Also, regarding that McCartney cover...legend has it that the red liquid in that bowl is blood, and that those little red round objects are Paul's kidney stones! Major lolz!

Song: Albert Hammond Jr.'s Yours To Keep album

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