Solid Little Rock Jams

Electric Light Orchestra - Eldorado

Hey, folks, happy Halloween! And what better way to celebrate such a day as this one than by reviewing an album by the Electric Light Orchestra, something that I intend to do right now, in fact.

Calling this album a "prog" album is somewhat debatable, really. It's really just a bunch of Beatlesesque pop music. The thing is that it's a bunch of Beatlesque pop music in 1974 with a 30 piece orchestra and some big, awesome synths, and the songs are bookended by a couple little things called "Eldorado Overture" and "Eldorado Finale," and "Boy Blue" and "Nobody's Child" both have the same stupid horn fanfare intro, so it must be a concept album or something. This album is just ridiculously ambitious, as so much awesome music from the first half of the 70s generally is. I guess that's why this sometimes gets lumped in with "prog-rock." That and the big, awesome synths that jump out at you every now and then.

You know how Jeff Lynne is the main guy in this band? You know how Jeff Lynne basically sucked George Harrison's cock until the day that he died? Well, that all makes perfect sense when listening to the songs on here. They're Beatlesesque, sure, but they really just sound like a bunch of George Harrison songs. I mean, like solo George Harrison. That's right, this is the real fucking deal.

Violins! Cellos! Horns! Piano! This shit is total orchestral pop like Sgt. Pepper's, but even more over-the-top because this is 1974 we're talking about. These songs are just so grand-sounding! After the dumb intro with the movie sample and the orchestral overture, "Can't Get It Out of My Head" comes on, and the melody just makes your goddamned heart melt, and you can't get the song out of your head (lol). I LOVE THIS SONG. I love the way the bombastic "overture" segues into the piano part at the beginning of this song. The violins are all loud-like, and then they get super quiet, and you just hear those totally beautiful piano chords, and then Jeff Lynne starts singing, and it doesn't suck at all. This shit is bombastic in an achingly beautiful, melodic sort of way. I love the little synth doodles in this song, too. It's an "FM classic," I guess. Great.

"Poor Boy (The Greenwood)" starts out sounding a lot like Bob Dylan because lots of people like him or something. You know, it's funny because on most of this album I can't understand what the hell Jeff Lynne is actually singing. It's either his tone, or the way he recorded the vocals, or something...I don't know. It's weird. I should be able to understand what you're singing, Jeff. You dick. SHIT, I'M LISTENING TO "MISTER KINGDOM" FROM THIS ALBUM RIGHT NOW, AND NO ONE EVER COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS SONG WITHOUT FIRST HEARING "ACROSS THE UNIVERSE," WHAT THE HELL. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE BEATLES, SERIOUSLY. WOW.

Rating: If this album were (was?) made today, it would probably receive endless amounts of acclaim from "indie rockers" because they love melodramatic orchestral crap like Sufjan Stevens and M. Ward (both of whom aren't nearly as terrible as I just made them sound, honestly.) The indie kids seriously need to put down the 70s Eno albums, and get some fucking ELO. This shit is for real, seriously. I give it any number of stars.

Song: "Laredo Tornado"