Solid Little Rock Jams

Iron Maiden - Flowerslave

This album came out the same year that The Smith's debut came out, these albums pretty much sound the exact same. Dissonant drums, scratchy guitars, very subtle bass work and mournful crooning all over the motherfucker. The title track is incredibly dancy and faggots all over the world proclaim "2 Minutes To Midnight" to be their favorite power metal song about gay men climaxing in an asshole, as in "2 minutes nailing my partners anus is all it takes for me to blast my (midnight) cum into his ass." Don't believe me? Take a look at the gay cum-swapping lyrics.

the killer is breed of the demon seed / the clamor, the fortune, the pain

Anyway, all the songs are great. The band is in the top of it's game by 1984, and the entire line-up is the same one that did the definitely not-as-good Piece Of Mind album. "Aces High" remains a fist pumping scorcher some twenty years later. Bruce Dickinson is still wailing as loud and as hard as he can. OH YEAH, and there's none of that wussy ballad shit on here. This one will rock the dick out of your skull and boil your piss like a Foreigner concert.

Jennifer Lopez is their guitarist, and continues to slam power chord after power chord down your tummy, Tom Cruise is belting away at the drums like his kit is his only chance at salvation from the pits of hell. Their bassist is a eleven foot tall gorilla with a chip on his shoulder. Together these men and women create a perfect indie rock album that you can listen to with your girlfriend and/or significant other. None of the music on here is directly offensive, though some of the lyrics on "God is the anti-christ" may be too harsh and you may want to put the little ones to bed before this album comes on.

I once listened to this album while having sex with my dog.

Rating: PG: Some songs may prove innapropriate for people who aren't real men. If you don't like this album, grow a pair. Jesus.

Song: Here's a Paul McCartney song for some reason.