Sunday, November 12, 2006

Tool- 10,000 Days

Hey kids, it's me, your friendly neighborhood Maynard James Keenan here to give you the fucking lowdown on Tool's newest brilliant masterpiece, 10,000 Days. We as a band figured that you'd be too fucking blown away after Lateralus (the best album to come out since Aenima) to release an album, so we generally took our time you know, tried to figure out the exact rhythmn of Masonic chant we needed to make the songs on our new album fucking radical. You have to believe the Mayn when he says that 10,000 Days is the most fucking cerebral mindfuck you fucking little shits will ever receive. You're wasting your goddamn time away on the idiot box being brain washed by the fucking elitist Illuminati running this faux-corporate asshole of ours, we wrote fucking Vicarious to tell you how stupid you are. You're fucking getting high and dropping out of society and blaming all sorts of mother fuckers for your goddamn problems, we're fucking putting out scary shit like The Pot to put you in your fucking place. Listen you stupid spoon fed sheep, the only thing keeping us from devolving into a third-world slave hive is fucking Rosetta Stoned, which I wrote after taking mescaline with Danny Carey and knife fucking ten groupies after you paid $70 and watched me sing Prison Sex to a bunch of pimple faced wannabes. The Maynard doesen't pull any punches, so when you play Jambi and Adam Jones' furious riffs fucking rearrange your synapses, you better believe that the Tool is serious. I didn't fucking crash a car into my own goddamn house to paralyze my mom and then play Die Eier Von Satan for 24 hours straight in her house to kill her just so that you could fucking light a doobie to 10,000 Days (Wings For Marie) you stupid cocksucking morons. Listen, Intension is the best fucking thing put onto digital, Right in Two rules so much ignorant Christian ass that Ted Haggard is getting jealous. 10,000 Days is 27 years, in case you pre-neanderthalic thugs can't even count, so before you pass this record off as another fucking tape you can put in to look cool at your local “record discount” independent music store, remember that the men behind this album are fucking geniuses. Shit, even the fucking album art is a psychedelic trip through the depths of your fucking soul in itself, laden with underappreciated intricacy that you're going to fucking break a string over while you're trying to copy us and tune to fucking Drop-D. Ladies and Gentleman, this is Maynard out, and remember to buy our album or else you're just another toadying sheep paying to keep the powers that be in control of our society.

Rating: The Seventh number of the Fibonnaci Sequence, Except if you took the Fibonacci Sequence of the Fibonnaci Sequence. Think about it.

Download: Tool- 10,000 ways to leave your lover (Actually Vicarious)


Anonymous said...

haha is this really maynard? awesome dude. i saw ur last tour and it fucking rocked! you guys rule so much. keep bringing the goods.

Johnny St. Clair said...