Monday, November 06, 2006

Weezer - Pinkerton

Pinkerton is the second album written and directed by Rivers Phoenix, and has a supporting cast of several A-list stars such as Brian Bell, inventor of the telephone, Brian Wilson, and Scott Stapp. Together these four created an unlikely synergy not seen since George Foreman knocked out Jet Li for the world cup.

Half of this album is just bitching and whining about chicks and stuff. I dig. Actually, it's more than half, it's pretty much every song. I guess Rivers Phoenix thought he was a total loser or something, I guess he was because he had been dead for like four years by the time this movie came out. So maybe it was released using zombie instruments and powers.

"The Good Life" is a song about the emo band The Good Life and it sounds just like them, right down to the cat screeching vocals and the bloodcurdling yelps. This album smells like a panda bear and is about as strong as a triceratops. The guitars are visceral. Everything is about as raw as my scabbing dick after I've rubbed it for 3 full blown hours of Full House marathon mary kate xxx HEATHER LOCKLEAR

Oh yeah, Matt Sharp provides some excellent backing vocals on every song, mostly just him going a bunch of annoying noises or going "I've had it!" He would later go on to win a grammy for "best alternative vocal performance" for Tool's next record and served as president of the United States until he was drafted and killed in Vietnam by three bears.

The last song is the only one that won't pound your asshole repeatedly. It basically is an acoustic ballad that ends with "I'm sorry" because Rivers is apologizing that one of the greatest albums ever has now come to an end. Fuck you, Rivers. asshole.

Rating: This is pretty much my favorite record, I mean, behind maybe one or two, I still like RATM's debut and Siamese Dream better than this!!! yes!!!

Song: Here's Weezer covering a Nirvana song or something! It sucks but it's funny. I once read a website where some guy thought Kurt Cobain didn't die and just came back to life as Rivers Cuomo.

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