Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Les Savy Fav - Let's Stay Friends

I hate this cover, really! What's up with "indie people" and cartoons of woodland creatures? It pisses me off greatly. I mean, I love bears, red pandas, and lemurs and all that shit, but the whole "indie culture" has ruined all of that awesome shit for me. And it angers me greatly. So fuck you, hipsters and your bright colored t-shirts that don't fit you.

And fuck you for being part of a culture that at its worst and most generic, tries to sound like Les Savy Fav and fails miserably. Seriously, there really is a sort of generic "indie melodicism" that seeps through everything from Parts & Labour to Death Cab For Cutie to Oxford Collapse to Maps & Atlases. And regardless of the quality of any of those bands' music, when it all comes down to it, Les Savy Fav fucking shits all over all of it. They possess a lot of that "generic indie melodicism"... I mean, these melodies are very INDIE, aren't they? You can tell, can't you? But man, they're just so much better than all other music that "sounds indie," right? Right!

Seriously, is this "indie dance rock" or whatever? Lots of bands try and sound like the Dismemberment Plan, they do. Maybe you haven't heard a lot of those bands because they're too unremarkable and unoriginal to get any attention. They try and sound like Les Savy Fav, too. And they suck at it. Fuck them. Fuck them hard and long. Wow. I love this album.

Seriously, this is the best full-length these guys have done as of yet, probably. They sound like they just put their all into it. Like, they really must have focused on the sonics and stuff! There's acoustic guitars and the mix is just so full and there's girls singing on some songs and man, this is just a solid pop/rock album that I keep playing over and over. This is the sound of a band putting forth all the fucking effort in the world. It's not just dancey Brainiac-type shit. This is just awesome modern indie rock greatness and fuck, I love this album. It's awesome. I can't stop listening to it. Les Savy Fav gets it done so fucking hard, fuck. I love you, Les Savy Fav. Wow.

Rating: It rocks. And it's just awesome. Really fucking awesome. Yeah.

Song: THE ALBUM!!!



Monday, August 20, 2007

My Bloody Valentine - Isn't Anything

I'm really tired right now. Sorry that I didn't update yesterday. I had to help my friends move into an apartment in Chicago. After we were done I just sort of sat there and realized how old we were all getting. A bunch of kids from Batavia finally making it on our own.

I live in Dekalb now, at least for the year. I don't really consider myself anything but a Batavian though. All my important stuff is still there. I think a man's residence is where his CD collection is. My CDs are all still in Batavia. I will still buy all my CDs in Batavia. It was just a simple handshake between my dad and a hug from my mom when i left. Completely appropriate for these circumstances, there was none of that "my little boy is growing up" bullshit because I really haven't grown up at all. I didn't move out my CDs because I know I'm going back there, the day I move my albums to a different residence, well, that means I'll have become a man.

One of the albums I did bring to Dekalb was this one. It's one of my favorite albums of all time. Why? Because of the fuckin' songs. My Bloody Valentine were always a really noisy shoegaze band bent on global domination. Ambience, walls of guitars and all that, but I really just enjoy them way more when they're writing really guitar-heavy pop songs like the ones on here. "Feed me With Your Kiss" and "Cupid Come" are two of the greatest songs I've ever heard. Maybe they don't quite match the understated, fuzzy, brilliance of "When You Sleep" off of Loveless(their anti-pop album, which ironically hosts the poppiest song they ever did), but it certainly comes close.

Rating: One of the greatest albums of all time, no, really! It's just a shame that the T.V. that my roommate is watching is turned up so loud. I can't hear it as well as I'd like to. The funny thing is, I have more personal shit connected to Loveless, but I still like this one better. Loveless isn't really that good of an album, but I have such a connection to it personally, it fits into a certain time of my life, just like favorite records tend to do. Isn't Anything is just nothing more than one of the most brilliant guitar albums ever written. I haven't made that personal connection to it quite yet. Maybe it's day will come when it will soundtrack something for me, until then, I'll just jam to it on my first of many nights at 501 college ave.

Download: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=LRZTVAOJ

Sunday, August 19, 2007


Akron/Family - Love Is Simple

When I saw that the first and last songs on this were both called "Love, Love, Love," I got a bit worried. Was this going to just be a bunch of hippy crap? Meek Warrior tracks like "Gone Beyond" and "Love & Space" and "Dolphin Song," blown up to full-length proportions? God, I hoped not.

Unfortunately, that's exactly what Love Is Simple is. Meek Warrior wasn't really intended to be an "album," but instead a "mini-album" of sorts, a stopgap between Ak Ak's phenomenal '05 output and wherever the fuck their future is about to take them. Well, we're here. And man, this is definitely not the preferred direction that I wanted to see these guys move in!

See, their self-titled record contains some of my absolute favorite music of 2005, and some of the most beautiful, affecting music I've ever had the pleasure to experience. Despite the collective, "indie freak folk" vibe the album seemed to give off, the music was really just extremely intimate, very personal shit. There were moments of absolute transcendence, the ultimate realization of what this kind of communal hippy shit tries so hard to achieve. Lyrically, too... just lovely stuff. It achieves a kind of beauty for me that something like Sufjan's "Predatory Wasp of the Palisades" does for a lot of other listeners.

The split with Angels of Light was a whole different sort of monster. "Raising The Sparks" and "Moment" were absolutely fucking insane... noisy, proggy, and possessed with such a FIERY sort of energy, to the point where your brain just fucking leaps out of your skull out of sheer excitement. Hell, the rest of the songs weren't too bad, either! Hippyish, yeah. Their music certainly doesn't hide the fact that these guys have great big bushy beards. But there was this sort of beautiful youthful exuberance in the music that made you think, "Oh, wow, these young people are seriously talented and could probably do ANYTHING if they wanted to! I mean, shit!"

Meek Warrior was nice as a "stopgap," yes. Short, only 35 minutes or so. Quite a departure from their debut's very "ambitious full length"-ish hour long running time. It's a slight album. They sounded like they had fun pulling songs out of their ass, shitting out ridiculous multipart free jazz influenced smelly hippy freakouts, collectively belting choruses like "RIIIIIIIDE, DOLPHIIIIIN, RIIIIIIIIDE!!!!!!!," and nodding toward a campfire evoking Dead concert closer like "And We Bid You Goodnight" with "Love & Space."

And so now we have Love Is Simple, which is basically more of the Meek Warrior hippy shit, but stretched out to nearly an hour. Nothing here has the substance of the debut, and none of it rocks as hard as the highlights of the AoL split. They sound like they're having fun being smelly hippies and worshipping the sun and finding enlightenment through delicious marijuana drugs. They sound like they are all for love and peace. And hey, love and peace! Great! But man, this certainly isn't a progression of any sort. It's pretty much the same thing they were doing on Split LP tracks like "Future Myth," but with a lot more of Meek Warrior's lightheaded lolness. They still have those nice group vocals, though! I'm seeing them next month, yeah. I hope they just make noise and piss in their own mouths like the Black Lips.


Rating: Some okay melodies, I suppose. Feels a bit by-numbers, though. I don't know about this sort of stuff working for a full album. I mean, the "love, love, love" shit is great on a 35 minute mini-album, but man, when your debut is as multi-dimensional and affecting as Akron/Family managed to be... this kind of crap seems a bit effortless in comparison. I said all this in my Meek Warrior review a long time ago, remember? I still enjoy this album to some extent (nice melodies here and there) and am super glad that they make music and release said music often. They seem to have exhausted a lot of aspects of their sound and overall appproach over the course of only two years, so seeing where they travel to next is certainly something that I greatly anticipate! So go, Akron/Family! Seize the day! It is yours! So put out a better album next time, you fucking asshole bearded cunt fags. Fuck you.

Song: Disco Inferno - The Five EP's... incredible.



Saturday, August 18, 2007


Sun City Girls - 330,003 Crossdressers From Beyond Rig Veda

The Screamers are fucking amazing, yeah. Download all bootlegs off Soulseek, everybody.

This is a double CD. It is some asslong shit. Both discs are an hour or something. The first disc is a bunch of totally rad COMPOSITIONS, and the second is a bunch of totally rad IMPROVISATIONS. The actual songs are pretty cool. They're all wacky and full of funny voices, like the Residents or Caroliner. Totally kooky art-rock, these. But they're all ethnic-like, as we have come to expect from this cutting edge experimentation machine, the Barenaked Ladies. Shit like "CCC" sounds like some creepy desert nightmare or some crap! I dig the balls off of it. It has a rad melody, too, which a lot of these songs also have, wonderfully. Just cool little melodic diddley doos to grab and shake you and finger your girlfriend/girljizzlapper.

And then the second CD. THE SECOND CD. Lots of people like one MARK PRINDLE aren't too fond of the Sun City Girls' dick-around tendencies. And it definitely is "dicking around." I mean, that's what free improvisation is, isn't it? No matter how meaningful the connection and interaction between musicians is, they're all just kind of playing what comes to them. It's dicking around! But I love it. I could listen to this shit all fucking day. Maybe smoke some drugs while I'm at it. Just awesome repetitive spaced-out shit. Like middle-eastern krautrock! Have you heard the new Sapat album? It's on Siltbreeze and awesome.

Rating: They have a fuck ton of albums. Maybe they have ones a fuck ton better than this one. I certainly listen to something like Horse Cock Phepner more. But if you're looking for the Girls' "signature sound," this is definitely the album you want. Mounds and mounds of psyched up reefer insanity. Richard Bishop is an awesome guitarist, by the way! I downloaded his solo albums and am gonna see him with Bill Callahan next month! Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, Charles Gocher died this year. He was the drummer in this band and was as old as my parents. So they won't be putting out any more records. They were legendary, though. RIP, Charles. And RIP, Sun City Girls. You pwned my ass all around the block. I'm listening to you right now. Thanks for the mammaries.

Song: "CCC"... I mentioned this song earlier. It's good. Suck me.



The Screamers - Demos 1977-78

I am reviewing a band that doesn't even really exist in our internet age. They never recorded an album. We don't really have scenes anymore, we have movements. We have dudes from New York aping dudes from Britain. Music has become this big homogenous evolving creature I think, ever since the advent of the internet. I'm not really sure how many people are behind me, but it seems like back in the day, a band like The Screamers might have gained a lot more notoriety around the country for being a phenomenal band because we could transfer music around like a mere snap of a finger! It didn't happen though. The Screamers were L.A's baby, rather than it's gift to the world. You can't trade what we see with our eyes all that well yet, just our ears. Bootlegging video is still sort of awkward with our primitive internet connections, and is not very practical. Therefore, the visceral experience of a Screamers show would have been lost on a midwestern, uncultured schlub like me.

Around this time in the 1970s I would probably be jerking off to David Bowie records and purchasing tickets to that Led Zeppelin tour that never happened because John "lard ass" Bonham(who reportedly became so obese he would swallow his drumset after shows in storage rather than have his roadies take it down, and then vomit it profusely when necessary to perform.) happened to be a train wreck of a human garbage disposal. Yet, there was tons of exciting music out there that was lost on people who weren't "down" or "hip with it." Nowadays, any bro can just log onto the internet, click on Pitchfork and start jamming to some supposed hipster indie rock. I think it's all sort of bullshit, really. However, this begs the question. Is it better for music to be widely available by just a click of a mouse, or should we be hearkening back to the old days when great music was sometimes forever lost or buried through the annals of rock n' roll history? The question when posed in this form is obviously a very, very obvious one. I love being able to catch on all sorts of bullshit I missed out on because I was just a sperm in my dads sack, but music has sort of lost that familarity and coziness to it, that feeling of ultra-hipsterdom that I'll never know.

Rating: This is really sick, early punk rock. It's got new wave influences and the like, some of the coolest songs are the keyboard heavy ones. Everything is still really raw and unfinished, like a punk rock record should sound, anyway. A lost classic that was never recorded. I'm fortunate to hear it.

Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/mjx643

Friday, August 17, 2007


ZZ Top - ZZ Top's First Album

This is ZZ Top's first album.

It's bluesy hard rock, basically. It's short. The songs all basically have snappy little blues riffs. They're all pretty much the same tempo (NEVER MIND, THAT'S NOT TOTALLY ACCURATE, SORRY.) They're all pretty much the same. Same goes for the next album.

But the album is awesome! Most ZZ Top albums are. Cool people like them. Steve Albini likes them. Steve Albini likes it when you finger his tight we

Rating: Good album! I like ZZ Top a lot. I can just listen to their first four albums non-stop, all in a row. They're all pretty danged similar. I don't really have anything much more to say about this. I pretty much covered their first several albums with this "review." They have guitars and they're bluesy. Also, they sing about eatin' pussy. Like, the pussy of MINORITIES! Black chicks and mexican chicks and the like. Because they had big beards. Big, pussy eatin' beards. Man, what a sorry excuse for a review this is. If you've read Mark Prindle's ZZ Top review page, you've probably heard plenty of ZZ Top/pussy jokes. "Neighbor Neighbor" and "Brown Sugar" are awesome songs! This album is solid! It's true rock 'n roll. It's way better than Pearl Jam.

Song: A Pavement mix I made... INDIE ROCK!!!!!!




The Raincoats - Odyshape

Does anyone care about The Raincoats anymore? Kurt Cobain did, and now he's dead. In order to raise awareness of the Raincoats in our society. I decided to have an aim conversation with surviving member of the Raincoats Gina Bitch, who is pictured here with a cock in her ass.

I am sexyman6969, she is dumpsterslut81

sexyman6969 has entered the room

sexyman6969: yo who dis
dumpsterslut81: hi lol want to interview me : )
sexyman6969:: fuck yea alright lets do this
dumpsterslut81: k
sexyman6969: first off asl
dumpsterslut81: 48/F/IL teehee : )
dumpsterslut81: wearing just a bra not pantie
sexyman6969: 21/M/IL
sexyman6969: huge penis
sexyman6969: u sound cute i like
sexyman6969: anyway explain the raincoats sound what were you guys trying to accomplish on this record
dumpsterslut81: ummmm i dunno lol
dumpsterslut81: idk
dumspsterslut81: we were going for a more big sound like branching out and stuff
dumpsterslut81: i mean we still bring the guitars on songs like Only Loved at night u no
sexyman6969: o ya i love that song *gettin hard right now!*
dumpsterslut81: o rly : )
sexyman6969: ya fucking chix make me hot
XXXANADESILVAXXX has entered the room
xxxanadesilva: oh man so horny
xxxandesilva: sup mis cholos
xxxanadesilvaxxx: fuuuuuck so cock drunk need a tortilla in my ass
xxxanadesilva has left the room
dumpsterslut81: wtf
sexyman6969 has deposited sperm in anus

Rating: great album, The Raincoats are still a bunch of noisy, shitty dykes who were probably eating each others pussies while recording this album, and since it was recorded by all girls it cannot recieve a 10/10, so I will give it a 4.

DOWNLOAD: http://www.4shared.com/file/7790521/bda0c39f/1981_odyshape.html

Wire - Pink Flag

Hi, I'm not so crazy about this debut effort from the rock group Wire. It starts out okay enough, with a pretty monstrous opener, a very brief speedy punky stomp romp, a bouncy almost-disco rim-job, and a glorious guitar pop spectacle of amazingness. "Lowdown" is okay, too. Then there are a bunch of songs in a row that aren't really at all better than the first five.

Eventually you get to "Mr. Suit," which is just so pissed off and brutal. The New Bomb Turks covered it on their fantastic Destroy Oh Boy! LP, and I like there version better. Then comes "Strange," which has a slow, memorable riff, yes. "Fragile" is next, and it's a beautiful pop song, but they made it better on the next album when they turned it into "Outdoor Miner."

"Mannequin" is after that and is great, yeah. That's four great songs in a row near the end, and five songs in a row near the beginning. I like "12xU" and maybe "Start To Move." A lot of the other songs just sort of run together. I'd much rather listen to their other records. They're great all the way through. I listened to this one tonight while eating these god-fucking-awful BONELESS WINGS from Buffalo Wild Wings, the most piss-poor fucking suburban franchise restaurant piece of my fucking ass. The wings are soggy and shitty and I mean, it's chicken so of course I enjoy them to some extent, but it's basically just the kind of shit that suburban jocks go for because they're lives are completely fucking aimless. If I want chicken, I go where the black people are. Thank you, black people, for not being fucking cunts. I love you.

Rating: I like the other albums where the songs are easier to distinguish from one another. The production on here doesn't have cool guitar effects and synthesizers, either. I listened to Static Age two and a half times this morning, by the way. The Misfits were so fucking good.

Song: Helmet - "Sinatra"... I listened to this song twice last night before I jerked it. Good shit.



Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Misfits - Static Age

Let me tell you about a little band called The Misfits.

When I was acne-ridden, waste of sperm middle schooler, with no pubes on my little pre-pubescent nutsack. There were a bunch of "cool" kids who thought The Misfits were totally a "boss" band. Fast forward to high school when I got hi speed internet and the ability to download music, one of the first albums I downloaded was some Misfits thing. It was a pretty nice little album. but lo and behold whenever I discussed with anyone about this little pop group. Everyone thought the band sucked. It was really bad if you liked the Misfits. All of their merchandise and t-shirts of that fucking skull were emblazoned on the buttcheeks of every would-be punk in midwestern America.

So I had no other choice, really. I was instead told to listen to cool music like "Tool" or "The Doors" or classic rock or all that and for awhile, I let it all hit me, I never gave the Misfits the time of day. I thought it was all a bunch of sell-out mallcore bullshit because every fuckin kid I met with a misfits shirt on would just be the biggest smarmy chode. I decided instead of actually giving the misfits a earnest listen, I would decide they were a shitty band and never listen to them ever. Thankfully, this all changed when I grew out of my teenager years and learned how to not be a complete shameless retard.

It turns out that The Misfits are a really great band. Every song they wrote has a really great hook to it, and all their albums,especially Famous Monsters and American Psycho, are the most important punk records of the 21st century. The early stuff is good too, but the band really took off when Danzig left the band.


This album, for instance, is their earliest work, but the band already had their formula of hilarious lyrics, catchy sing-a-long choruses, and boner popping guitar-drum ditties. It's a really great little record and just because the Misfits are a joke now doesn't take anything away from these early classics. That said, I eagerly await the Nirvana reunion with Krist Novoselic on vocals, Dave Grol on drums, and Sausage McBiscuit on keyboards.

oh wait that last person wasn't a person but just a tasty breakfast sandwich

rating: great stuff, Walk Among Us is of course better but stfu and get this.

DOWNLOAD:


Misfits – Box Set Discs 1 & 2:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=CLVMH52P

Misfits – Box Set Discs 3 & 4:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=JZUAH2RT

Battles - Mirrored

I was just thinking today about how this album sucks and how pretty much every major music publication gave it a glowingly positive review.

Which is kind of odd, isn't it? I mean, sure, it's the kind of album that a lot of "hipster" folks are going to love, so why bum them out and pan the thing? But man, why pander to an audience? Why be so fucking predictable? I know that when you're Pitchfork and you're the epicenter of "underground music" or something that you have to keep the shit under control. But man, surprise me once in a while! Yeah, this blog is a complete fucking mess and we just review whatever we happen to be listening to or thinking about, but it's refreshing to see that kind of pure, honest approach, wouldn't you agree? That's right.

Anyways, the first time I listened to this album, it didn't grab me. Sonically, they had obviously put a lot into it. Compositionally... well, it's basically prog-rock. A nerdy, subtle sort of prog-rock. The Discipline comparisons are pretty much perfect for this, I would agree with that much.

God, I just love enormous fucking balloon boobies. I was just looking at the screenshots for this video that somebody uploaded on PureTnA, and now I have a righteous fucking boner.

They're obviously pretty great musicians, too! I mean, Don Caballero, Helmet, c'mon. We know that John Stanier rules a fuckin' ass. And, like Yes years before them, it obviously sounds like they're working hard at playing these songs. Like, they're just dicking and twiddling away, totally focused because they're PROFICIENT MUSICIANS, they are.

But anyways, the first time I heard it, I thought it was kind of boring. I don't like the vocals! They're annoying. Annoying vocals usually don't bother me. But I don't really feel these songs at all, so I can't overlook that sad fact. I listened to it a few more times hoping I would be able to find something to latch onto, and I simply could not do so. I love proggy shit, but usually because with that kind of music, there's just so much cool, creative shit to take hold of my interest. There's nothing of that nature here! They obviously meant well, but man, this could have been so much better. Instead, it's just kind of a waste of talent and effort. Maybe next time.

Rating: I hate this album.

Song: No song, sorry. You can blame Battles for that.



Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Jens Lekman -

Night Falls Over Kortedala


The day is 1992. Pavement Ist Rad is thinking of reviewing a Jens Lekman album, Undercooked Sausage defeats him and reviews it first. It is now 1993.


Let's talk about the great lyrics in this album first and foremost, goddamn.

There will be no (hershey) kisses tonight
there will be no holding hands tonite
because what is now isnt there before and what is (trails off, indistrinct)
ive broken some farts i udnerstand
firecrackers fuck me up and i always try to be true

BUT I WOULD NEVER FUCK ANYONE
WHO DOESNT BURN MY DICK LIKE THE SUN
AND I REMMEBER EVERY FUCK LIKE MY FIRST FUCK(cybering with a 13/M/F)
and i remmeber that night it sucked
by the lake in your dads anus
and i would like to keep that memory
of that fuck
as it is
things get more comp[licated when you're older
before you know it...what
you get a gun and you name it after some bitch that broke your heart fuck fuck you fuck you bitchadsds

good album. The lyrics are unbelievably good, joking aside. Not to mention the studio production and the arrangements in general are just orgasmic. I usually don't like fairie faggot music like this. But this album and the faggot who wrote these songs can give me a reach-around any day!

Rating: It's one of the better JENS LICKMAN albums I've heard, he's written a lot of albums. This one is by far his worst, don't ever listen to him or this album. chock full of tens. he will get nice and tight pussy. Oh yeah, I hope you like string.

DOWNLOAD: http://www.sendspace.com/file/4cdkdl

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Iggy & The Stooges - Metallic K.O.

This is a live album by the fine authors of timeless garage rock classics such as "Trollin'" and "Mexican Guy." It used to be one LP with some of the songs sounding really awful and tinny, and the others sounding loud and clear, but like somebody had dropped the tape into a big 'ol bucket of jism!

Luckily, there was some reissue where they included MORE SONGS from each of these two live concert recording sessions. And luckily, I downloaded it and didn't have to pay for all the ones that sound like my fucking trebley asshole.

So anyways, this was their last tour before they decided to call it quits so that fIREHOSE could properly blossom into the mega-influential stalwarts of grindcore that they are known as today. This music is DOWNRIGHT FILTHY. You know how Exile On Main St. is just completely sloppy and muddy like heroin boogie sleaze polygamy? Well, this is like that, but the Stooges certainly weren't the fucking Stone Roses, and so for no particular reason, they had to deal with playing to crowds of angry bearded biker sluts who throw bottles and heckle the shit out of the band. So why the hell do they even go to the concert if they think the musicians are scum? Maybe they knew I was going to review this live concert album in 2007 and that's why. Well, fuck them, 'cause this is actually a review of Paul McCartney's fabulous Memory Almost Full album. Yeah, that's right, have you heard this album? It's great! The sixth track is pretty boss, it contains the line "Her ass is black and her tits are bare." Recorded live with the Beatles featuring Harrison Ford and Leonard Maltin and Star Jones and Jobriath! Buy it at your local Starbucks today!

And don't forget to dry hump a few unsuspecting employees. For me? That's right.

Rating: The first half of the 2001 reissue is amazing and sounds great and just ridiculously sleazy and there's a boogie rockin' piano and boozy backing vocals and has lots of space at the ends of songs where Iggy just baits the audience and there's lots of swearing and it might have been their last show or maybe that's the second half but god, I hope not because the second half sounds like shit and isn't nearly as entertaining. The first six songs are from the post-Raw Power era of the band where they didn't release an album and there are a bunch of semi-legit releases that have totally gross, sleazy rock songs like "Cock In My Pocket" and "Gimme Some Skin." And man, the Stooges kicked a totally different kind of ass than they did on something like Fun House at this point, didn't they! This shit is just so smacked up and dirty and man, it's not surprising that they imploded and Iggy slipped his young fleshy member into David Bowie's quivering ruby orifice of poopy, glittery shit splendor and never looked back. Berries 'n creeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaammmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Song: "Cock In My Pocket"... this is a song about a superhero named Tony! It's called... uh... it's called "Cock In My Pocket." Wow. I did not just type that. Ick. Somebody hose me down with jizz before the devil gets to me first! Hooooo!!!!



Monday, August 13, 2007

Burzum - Filosofem

Burzum are a group of performers from Miami. They've recorded a ton of hit albums like Revolver, Pet Sounds, and even The Eagles best of compilation. This time Burzum entered the recording studio to record some very intense album of Gary Numan covers while and

but in all seriouness, Burzum is a guy, not a band. He's a very scary man who was put in jail for hurting a man really badly and killing him by stabbibg him A LOT. Seriously, the man has caught a lot of fucking breaks. He kills a dude, gets to go on leave and they find him IN A FUCKING TRUCK WITH A BUNCH OF WEAPONS AND SHIT when he's just let loose for a weekend. I don't know if he'll ever get granted parole after that fiasco.

It might be for the best anyway, because when/if Burzum gets released from federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, I doubt he'll be able to record more beauty like this, what a fuckin record this is. There is a 25 minute atmospheric keyboard thing on here that goes on way too goddamn long though. I'm not sure what the shit that thing is all about. Eventually some pretty badass guitar comes in and just crunches right through the keyboard and melts your brain. This kind of sounds like Jesus & Mary Chain or some really underproduced indie rock/noise album which is probably why Burzum had such a big crossover into the indie crowd just as much as the black metal crowd. Dude is like Kelly Clarkson, he just crosses boundaries.

He probably is a better fuck than Kelly Clarkson though. She had herpes.

Rating: I give it a pretty high grade. I prefer badass guitars to wanky keyboard solos for a half hour so I think I like a couple Burzum albums more, but the second track on this record is just mind-bending in it's awesomeness. Dude was younger than me when he recorded this. All I can do is jerk off to porn and think about how much of a waste my life is, then I think "Well, I haven't murdered anyone yet." So I'm still one step ahead of the game

Download: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=RYP5AQVL

Sunday, August 12, 2007

The Raincoats - The Raincoats

The Raincoats were a bunch of noisy dykes from Madison Wisconsin, I'm not sure where exactly in madison but probably where all the fucking dykes hung out. Man, what a bunch of clit-piercing shrieking and bullshit is contained on this record. I was thinking about this album yesterday because Garret was talking about it somewhere else on the internet, oops I mean Leaf garret or whatever his name is on here. The Raincoats were a trio of rug munchers from faggot, New Jersey. They enjoy sucking a cock or two. This is way out there post punk.
Actually, I realize they are girls but girls aren't supposed to rock at all. They just bleed and scare the hell out of me and bleed so goddamn much and yell and yell when i put my dick in their ass. My friend says anal sex is just like fucking a vagina except it's like 3 degrees warmer and it smells like shit, or teen spirit, he says he wasn't paying attention.

They cover The Kinks on this record, other than that you get to hear a lot of violent and interesting music that might open you up to more experimental punk rock music. To tell you the truth, "The Void" is my favorite song on here and it makes me want to shed tears everytime I hear it.

Rating: This is all really great music, I might prefer their second album a bit more and I never listened to their third album. It's probably pretty good though

Download: Heres the album
http://www.gigasize.com/get.php/-1099907567/The_Raincoats_%281979%29.rar


Thursday, August 09, 2007

George Harrison - Cloud Nine

Much like George Harrison through the 1980s, Solid Little Rock Jams will not fade into the night.

I don't think anyone in 1987 expected George fucking Harrison to do anything worthwhile ever again in his life. His last album before this was 5 years ago and the last time he entered anyones mind was that single he did, "All Those Years Ago" to cash-in on John Lennon's recent death. At this point in George Harrison's career. He was dead, he was a mummified old, boring fart who couldn't get "with it." It's not like it would ever really matter if George came back to the spotlight. Why would he? He had a hot big-titted wife who he fucked daily, and could fall ass backwards into his vast fortune of ill-gotten beatlemania money.

George Harrison did not wanted to be forgotten as a a rich, pasty asswipe, however, so he recorded this album so people would remember "Well, George sure was a boring gay faggot, but goddamn! That cover of that one song by that shitty band was a pretty good single!" and we'd be singing it well after his death to lung cancer or whatever has passed. There's a bunch of fucking songs on here. Jeff Lynne produces this album, and it's so obvious. It sounds like an ELO album, not that I've ever taken the time to listen to more than a few ELO songs, something I'll probably be rightly chastised for, but everything sounds meticulously crafted into one big-ass ol pop song. The problem is, it makes it all sound really samey. All the drums sound the exact same except for the one Ringo is on, and all the guitars shuffle around like a bunch of dead zombies and George uses his mummified feelers to stroke and scratch out the licks.

The last track, is the bigass single though, and of course everyone should hear it. It's just too bad that the termite that infested George Harrison's ass that gave him all his melodic sensibility was crapped out after this record and George Harrison did jackshit until he released his incredible "almost as good as All Things Must Pass i swear" album Brainwashed from beyond the grave.

Rating: It's an album by George Harrison that is pretty much better than Let It Be, Abbey Road, The White Album, Sailing The Seas Of Cheese and Led Zeppelin IV. Buy it today.

Yeah, i went the whole review without mentioning the cover, but seriously, wtf!?


Download: The whole album in it's entirety.

Friday, June 22, 2007


The Knife- Silent Shout

Well, my promise to review albums basically withered and died ever since I've been in a severe depression. And if you've ever been in that kind of situation, you know that you should always wrap your junk when having sex with emo girls! (The alternate joke was going to be about being in a ravine, but then again, who the hell wants to hear about ravines?) Regardless, I am going to make a concerted effort to update more, because frankly my dear, I don't give a damn (about doing anything truely productive!)

The Knife's first album "Deep Cuts," is much more chipper and groovy then this macabre mess. As a result, "Silent Shout" is definitely a contrasting album for The Knife (Who don't like to play live and hate the degradation of women within the music industry). "Silent Shout" is a throbbing synth sprinkling lunar eclipse and is an extremely atmospheric and moody journey considering it is mostly synthesizer accompanied by all manners of SNAKE CHARMING beats. The distorted electro-vocals push the songs along, sung in mostly broken English and I'm assuming a pitter patter of Swede here and there. The vocoded VOCALS are of such great effect that I'm sure if Neil Young could go back and redo Trans with whatever technology these guys use, he probably wouldn't do it, because I think the masters for Trans are buried somewhere in a vault in the heart of the Atlantic Ocean. Trans gets a really bad rap though, considering that I'm sure it's even possible that THE KNIFE might have been influenced by it! So uh, God save the Trans and all that.

The title track, Finding Neverland and One Hit are probably my favorite tracks. They have the most interesting beats (A lot of it reminds me of Idioteque by Radiohead, really, I enjoy schizophrenic techno-wankery!) as well as One Hit having the MALE (Olaf is his Odin-given name, I believe) doing some sort of extremel;y perverse, satanic Cookie Monster vocals. But don't think Cookie Monster in terms of bad death metal, think in terms of TIMBRE and its BASS-LIKE qualities. Every song on this album has an enjoyable hook and its amazing how something that seems so experimental and avant-garde at times can be so damn catchy! (This is a common lament of most catchy, avant-garde music, it seems.) The sheer amount of sonic manipulation on this album, in terms of trying to figure out how the hell The Knife squeezes out so many great sounds out of the synthesizer for the leads of the songs and such will leave you astounded, and the overall bleak, ethereal quality of some of the tracks are quite entrancing. I hesitate to call it Dance-Eno, but for the love of David Byrne (!!!), it certainly seems to have a rather direct Eno influence (Well, that's pretty stupid, this is obvious to everyone.) Anyways, if anyone knows more about this band, feel free to comment, but otherwise, you should get this album. It "deigns to reign." The Knife are probably better then The Kinfe, the Genesis song, but I like both of them much like Mrs. Ramsey loved Jon Benet. I'd kill for either of them, mwa ha ha ha ha!

(Edit: If the formatting is really off, I'm sorry. Blogger is fucking ridiculous when it comes to trying to get stuff to appear properly.)

Rating: I like it more then Deep Cuts! I'm not sure what pitchfork has given this album, but I'll definitely give it a 9 out of 10 or something. Fractions are for sissy cop-out babies.

Download: Silent Shout- The Knife

Saturday, June 16, 2007


The Icarus Line - Penance Soiree

I bought this album when I was 14 years old and I distinctly recall being captivated by the album's very prevalent aura of abrasiveness. Everything from the cover (one of my favorites ever) to the first song being called "Up Against The Wall Motherfuckers" to the pictures of the band members on the back of the CD case, all clad in black and red (but mostly black, of course), with facial expressions that most definitely did not exude good vibes of any sort, to the album being recorded in Hollywood, quite the contribution to the record's smack blasting party atmosphere.

The album made me instantly think of the heaviest and scariest of noise-rock bands I'd heard at that point... Big Black, the Jesus Lizard, Flipper, etc. Thing is, though, I had only heard a few songs from those bands' catalogs, and if you were to ask me to give you the most brutal, barely musical shit that I had, I wouldn't have had a whole lot to work from. Besides the Line's menacing, blow inhaling image, the actual sound of the album is what really took me aback. Because Penance Soiree is a LOUD album. I'm not sure if it's the kind of over-digitized "loudness war" loud that Nick Southall gets so worked up about (and rightly so), but the album definitely has a very in-the-red kind of distortedness to it, in such a way that listening to it on headphones results in feeling a whole lot like the dude on the album cover, the guitars overfuzzed in a manner that is most definitely both head whipping and face smashing. And I wasn't completely unfamiliar with the concept of guitars being distorted to fucking oblivion... I'd heard most of Raw Power and I'd heard the Jesus & Mary Chain (and J&MC followers the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club) and I'd heard her call my name. I was yet to encounter XTRMNTR, the Goslings, Kevin Drumm, and various other music that might strike terror into the hearts of stereo salesmen.

Anyways, fuck. At the time, this was my musical brick to the fucking skull. The Icarus Line were just the most extreme dudes, and Penance Soiree was the most extreme album, noisyass rock 'n roll that harkened back to the pure fucking danger of the Stooges and the Stones. It's the kind of album that comes across as being more badass than all of your other albums, the kind that any lover of "extreme" music is almost guaranteed to love, in the same league as Goat, Fun House, White Light/White Heat, Spacemen 3, Songs About Fucking, Suicide, early Napalm Death... just totally defining what it is to appreciate the presence of violence in music. In fact, I'm pretty sure I first saw this album championed by a poster on the Sound Opinions Message Board who appreciates such violence moreso than probably any music listener I have ever encountered.

One small thing about the album, though: I just wish it was better. I've read a lot of on-the-money sentences about this record, and an uncomfortable amount of those things tend to lean towards the "negative" side, the most poignant being Sam Ubl's suggestion that "[i]f rock 'n' roll had nothing to do with music and everything to do with attitude, the Icarus Line would be the greatest fucking band" and Jon Garrett's declaring of the band as one that he should like "in theory, yet can't write songs to save their lives." Yet even a more glowingly positive remark like Tiny Mix Tapes's suggestion that Penance Soiree is "2004's Source Tags & Codes (only it's about 100x better)" gets even further to the root of why this album doesn't quite do it for me.

On Source Tags & Codes, Trail of the Dead utilized a major label budget in order to craft a completely epic fucking all-out realization of their potential as a band. And that's more or less what the Icarus Line did here. The record definitely sounds great (compared to the somewhat thin Jesus Lizard ripoff Mono) and as TotD's album was this sort of post-hardcore tour de force, blending Fugazi, Gravity Records, Unwound, Drive Like Jehu, At The Drive-In, and countless others into what is quite the sweepingly cinematic (and in such a way that simply doesn't let me avoid using this word) masterpiece, Penance Soiree does the same with, uh, 35 or so years of the most dirtyass rock 'n roll imaginable.

Only problem is that too many of the songs don't quite live up to just how fucking badass this album and band appear to be. Saying that they "can't write songs to save their lives" is a bit harsh, since "Up The Against The Wall Motherfuckers" completely fucking crushes, and does so with actual purpose (thanks to a downright throat drilling bassline), and the second track "Spit On It" succeeds exceptionally well in being a brief, no-bullshit, neck snapping punker. On a similarly positive note, "Spike Island" is another standout, as it tones down the guitar bombast for a sexier, groovier brand of swagger. Then there's a really long song in the middle of the album called "Getting Bright At Night" that thankfully manages to make good developmental use of its nine minute running time. Oh, yeah, and the last song rules. "Party The Baby Off," it's called. The chorus/hook is "take off all your clothes." It certainly manages to "party the baby off," I'd say.

Those were the songs that stood out to me as a 14 year old music listener, and revisiting the album recently, their appeal certainly hasn't waned. It's the rest of the album that just breaks my fucking heart. So many of these other songs are just fucking dead. I should like them, shouldn't I? Of course. But even the single "On The Lash" has very little going for it as far as any distinguishing qualities that might drive one to identify it as standing out from the vast breadth of rock music. Sure, it rocks, but well, that's about it! And unfortunately, despite the fact that the Icarus Line is a band full of utter badasses whose music is clearly loud and makes me want to do lots and lots of heroin, they can't really get by on just rocking as hard as possible. The Jesus Lizard did that on Liar, yet it still worked despite the songs not being quite as mind-blowingly good as those on Goat because the Lizard had a distinct, original sound that they could work from. Penance Soiree, despite a few great songs, is still a derivative-ass album, so when the songs aren't quite there, it all ends up seeming like not much more than boring old confrontational rock posturing. A song like "White Devil" starts out with a cool, slow, bluesy guitar line, ends with some awesome Fun House-style saxophone, and in between, there's absolutely nothing to grasp or hold onto, nothing to really make it stand above the rest of the songs in any way (except the fact that it's slower than the other ones. WOW!)

This is such a pity and oh, it's such a shame. Even at 14, upon constructing a year end list, I had to leave this record off because so much of it just didn't do shit for me, didn't grab me the way great pop music should (and the way a good four or five songs on here most definitely do.) It has so many workings of an all-out masterpiece, yet as a rock record, the central element behind its success as an album should be the songs, and that's where they really managed to fall short. Tragic. They have a new album coming out in a couple weeks. I can't imagine it will have the sort of epic scope that makes Penance Soiree so alluring (and in the end, disappointing), but who knows, maybe they've upped it in the songwriting department. Maybe not. Maybe they'll never amount to anything truly special beyond being "almost there" in 2004.

Rating: Not a great album, sorry. A fascinating one? Definitely. It has its moments... just not enough of them.

Song: "Spit On It"



Thursday, June 14, 2007


Wipers - Youth of America

Hello, again. Last night I wrote a review of this album. I referenced the review in a review that I wrote of Life Without Buildings's Any Other City this very evening.

Well, turns out that my post of that review was actually an edit of this Wipers review! Fuck! So I deleted my awesome Youth of America review. Let's sum that shit up, then. For your enjoyment:

1) Youth of America is awesome.

2) The title track is ten minutes long or some crap! It starts out with this awesome double tracked guitar line, and then it just goes, goes, goes on this one chord while Greg Sage just melts your fucking face off with great gobs of guitar noise.

3) The drumming on here is really neat. It reminds me a lot of Anton Fier's drumwork on the Feelies' Crazy Rhythms. Really driving and propulsive, but not played with a whole lot of force, which significantly increases the amount of tension in the beat.

4) The "guitar solo" in "When It's Over" rules so hard. It's just the most brutal screeching noises ever, and they fucking cut your balls off, they're so good. Dick whippingly good.

5) This is pissed off, angry music, but it ain't your ordinary 1981 punk rock. Don't think "Oi! Oi!" skinheads or The Decline of Western Civilization. Think of the bands from that time that were really doing something different. Flipper, Big Black, the Minutemen, whatever the fuck. As much as a dig a lot of straight ahead punk rock, that's the kind of shit that gets me going.

6) Not everything on here is an epic guitar JAM in the style of Phish or the String Cheese Incident. The shorter, poppier things on here rule! Especially "Taking Too Long." It's in 6/4 time! Interesting pop music tricks! Hey!

7) The debut Is This Real? was one hell of a solid punk rock album, but man, this is where Greg Sage realized his unique vision of completely fucking awesome electric guitar transcendence.

8) His guitar playing style is fucking cool, too. A lot more subtle than that of an obvious Sage follower like J. Mascis, whose guitarwork is known for its presence of a much more blatant sort of "guitar soloing." You know, like, "HEY, I'M GONNA SHRED YOUR FACE OFF WITH BALLS OUT NOTES GALORE RIGHT NOW, ENJOY." Sage just whips his fiery cock out and shoves it into your eye sockets until you shit yourself because this album is so fucking good.

Rating: Sorry if you missed the original piece and don't like to read record reviews in list format! This is just what it all came down to. Anyways, to reward you for your efforts...

Song: ...here's the whole fuckin' thing! Enjoy!



Tuesday, June 12, 2007


Life Without Buildings - Any Other City

Remember when I reviewed Wipers' Youth of America last night? I'm listening to it right now. It's seriously fucking awesome. Everybody just remember that my album recommendations are generally seriously fucking awesome. I don't just serve you up some bullshit. These jams are the real deal, let me tell you, the serious shit. You want the best and I know where you can get it. If you'd only listen. And you do.

Hey, what's up? Remember back in 2005 when Art Brut completely fucking turned your world around with their brand of fiery post-punk guitar rock and quirky Mark E. Smith-recalling sing/speak vocals? Well, then you'll love climbing inside of this time machine (penis) of mine and travelling back to the year 2000 when Life Without Buildings was the talk of the British music press and not just some band that nobody even remembers or gives a fuck about seven years later.

Oh my god, it's the guitar solo in "When It's Over" that I was talking about that one time. Christ, I was so fucking on-the-money about that one, remember? Still am.

Anyways, Life Without Buildings. What do (or did) they sound like? Art Brut is a good comparison, I think, except while the Brutes (lol) are much more of a BALLS OUT RAWK outfit, Life Without Buildings don't necessarily make me want to jump around the stage like Jasper Future did at that festival when I saw them that one time. There are no distorted guitars on here! A lot of it rocks, but the guitar tones are clean and shimmering. The guitar guy plays a lot of lovely major chords with pretty little notes and things, but it's not boring like the kind of non-descript "indie" guitar music that you hear between NPR segments. Remember when Pitchfork reviewed Bang Bang Rock & Roll and was like, "These guys don't play riffs, they play licks!" Remember how you didn't know what the fuck they were talking about? Well, listen to this shit, mang, because this shit just sparkles, holmes. Shit's downright coruscating (that's right.) I always assumed there were two guitarists, but no, it's just one dude! He's just playing a lot of cool shit. I really like guitars, by the way.

Another thing! The singer here is a broad! Hey! Remember how everybody hated Art Brut because the singer was annoying? Well, this singer is just as annoying, if not more. You'd better like British or Scottish or whatever nationality chicks joyously yelping exclamations like, "EXCLUSIVELY EXCLOOOOOSIVEEEEE!!!!" or "UH-ZOOMUHZOOMUHZOOMUHZOOMUHZOOMUHZOOM" or "MAH LIPS ARE SEALEDDDD!!!!!!!! MAH LIPS ARE SEALEDDDDD!!!!! HUHWAUH!!!!!" I'm serious, this is some joyous fucking shit. Sue Tompkins fills my heart with glee with her delightful vocal hooks of hyperactive girly NRG.

I love this album. There are so many cute little guitar licks and cute little vocalisms throughout this fuckin' thing... so damn good. It's really just beautiful indie pop, but it's got the rocking qualities of our friend post-punk. Like early Talking Heads or something. Unless you don't think they were post-punk. But I mean, dorky shit like Television, XTC, the Feelies, the Soft Boys, whatever. You know, geeky guitar music for awkward males to enjoy. Except we get the lovely boy/girl juxtapositions of say, Blonde Redhead or Swirlies or something. And while that might seem sexist, you gotta admit that whether you're the Delgados or My Bloody Valentine or whomever, you earn this sort of untouchable cool for having a broad in the band. It's like, totally INDIE POP, or whatever. No band is "indie pop" unless they have a broad in there, that's what I say.

Rating: I'm listening to "Philip" from this album. Jesus christ, this song is good enough for me to give it a 100/10. And you should, too. That's right, start your own review site and review this shit and give it a 100/10 because it's just that good because I said so.

Song: "Let's Get Out"... this here is one of the five or so songs that make me happier than anything, seriously. Serious jamz.



Monday, June 11, 2007


Von Südenfed - Tromatic Reflexxions

At this moment in time, I'm about 97% sure that the new Fall album completely fucking blows. Get this one instead.

It's basically Mark E. Smith talking over fun little electronic ditties constructed by Mouse on Mars. Pitchfork will probably give it a 7.3 or something... OH SHIT, you know what just happened? I wasn't sure whether or not they had actually reviewed the album, so I went over to the P-Fork site, see, just for a little fact checkin', see, and lo and behold, you need to type in the umlauts to get results for these guys. And they gave the album a 7.0! Off by .3, yeah, but fuck, am I good.

Anyways, that's about what this album is. A solid 7.0. It's not bad by any means, but in the end, the record isn't exactly much more than, well, Mark E. Smith talking over fun little electronic ditties constructed by Mouse on Mars. Not too many completely revelatory hooks or anything like that. Perfectly pleasing to listen to, though.

In 1997, the Fall released an album called Levitate that presented the very ESSENCE of Mark's skewed, incomprehensible vision as IDM/breakbeat/electronica whatever. Mark produced it himself, see, so the studio effects and edits and things like that are all just totally fucking out there, like This Heat or Meet The Residents or something. The songs ruled, too... some of the best of MES's career. The songs on Tromatic Reflexxions aren't as good as the ones on that album, and the production, regardless of how much one enjoys Audiotacker or other Mouse on Mars albums, isn't that much more or less exciting than your average music with bleeps and bloops and beatz or whatever.

Hey, fuck, remember when I was talking about Pitchfork eariler? They do this thing where they'll review an album like the new Pissed Jeans, give it some 8.something grade, and throw it under "recommended," and fuck, you know, where were they for Shallow? They never even reviewed the damn thing! And it's a lot better than this new one, and thanks to Pitchfork (and to the occasionally amazing genre of scuzzy Scratch Acid-inspired noise rock being fairly off their radar), the overbearing rock canon may or may not just completely forget about it, and that's mighty unfortunate! I mean, sure, realistically, it's not likely that Hope For Men is going to become some fuckin' Daydream Nation level acclaimed masterpiece, but man, where the fuck was P-Fork when these guys actually served up a classic, huh? The same thing happened with the Knife! For three years, no one gave a fuck about Deep Cuts, this brilliant fucking pop record, and then suddenly Silent Shout is the Album of the Year. Such bullshit.

Rating: When all is said and done, this album is a side project that maybe amounts to slightly more than the sum of its parts... but not much more. Just a pleasant little thing. More than half the time of this review that was actually spent talking about the album in question is just saying the exact same thing in two different parts of the review. How about this for high concept journalism. Fuck you.

Song: "Fledermaus Can't Get Enough"... the first song. And it's the best one, too.