Baroness - Red Album

I am not a metal guy. I try to be a metal guy, sure, I've listened to some Papa Roach and 90s Metallica just like any other guy and found it pretty heavy. However, by and large, I'm not into it too much. Which is weird, because I've typically liked every metal album I've heard, for instance, Slayer's last record was really great and also the Beatles.

However, I think this is a metal album that any boy or girl of any age can enjoy. The lyrics are rated PG for some suggestive dialogue. At one part there is a song where the singer talks about having anal sex with a small boy, fucking and sucking his pole. Drinking the juice that comes out of his prepubescent member. These lyrics didn't sit well with me as a practicing catholic. Therefore I vote we shun this devil music and cast it back whence it came. Trouble the souls of our children no more.

No, but in all seriousness, fans of music should check this record out. It's technically metal, but in the relaxed southern style. These boys are from Georgia and prefer to keep things slow and melodic rather than bone-raping and skeletal. I could even see faggots like the dude from Decemberists and various other felons enjoying this album. This album has more in common with Daft Punk than it does Carcass.

Fans of big fucking boners will love this album too. There are dicks everyone on the album cover, on the album art. You just can't see them on the cover in JPG format because President Bush is censoring the internet and controlling all of our thoughts don't be controlled

Rating: It's one of my favorite records of this year. I've included a download link so everyone give it a shot, it's seriously an album for everyone, not just beer-chuggin, dick slammin, skinhead nazi fucks.

Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/c0ya7n

Some Quasi album or something.

So this kid at school burned me some Quasi CD because last Friday I saw that he had a Pissed Jeans - Hope For Men button on his bag and I was like, "Holy crap, is that a Pissed Jeans pin?!" and he was like, "I don't know, I got it at Pitchfork" and then he had a Sleater-Kinney button and a Janet Weiss button and was like, "Dude, Quasi is totally amazing! I saw them at Touch & Go last year! They're like Built To Spill except not boring!" and I was like, "Awesome, man, I was there for Shellac, Big Black, Scratch Acid, Girls Against Boys, awesome weekend" and he was like, "Yeah, man !!! was amazing" and at this point, I was like, "Eh, yeah" and then today he gave me some Quasi CD that he had burned and I listened to it and now we are here, writing this blog entry.

And the album... sucks. I could have written these shitty, generic indie pop songs of shit. Oh, wow, there's a distorted organ or synth or something, great! Oh, yeah, this song is in some wacky time signature for a little bit, awesome. Piano, WOW! This is like shitty Ben Folds meets Beulah or something. I mean, it's like Built To Spill if Built To Spill was just completely horrible instead of just sort of boring. Fuck this album.

Rating: ZERO STARS. Only my SHIT. Not even that, though. Man, what a waste of 41 minutes of my life.

Song: Comus - First Utterance... stellar album.

VHS OR BETA - BRING ON THE COMETS

Today SLRJ presents a work-safe and non-work-safe review of the new VHS or Beta

Work-safe

I don't get it, It bores me. i'm too tired to review an album right now. I start class tomorrow.

Not-work safe version

Yea

Rating: i didn't listen to the whole thing.

Download: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=U0SKQ13C

Clockcleaner - Babylon Rules

The cover is evidence enough. Look at that nice, glossy photograph! These bros have risen up from the muck 'n murk of their early days and have joined major label yacht rock conglomerate Load Records as an official "up and coming young American rock 'n roll combo." Even though the bassist is like, 31 fucking years old! Dan and I saw them live at Permanent Records and we were in front and she kept grinding up against our throbbing, swollen members as she played her six string bass like the butt lovin' boner slave that she so aspires to be.

But enough about Clockcleaner, the world's oldest band. This is their new album! Like I said, they're movin' on up from the depths of the noise-rock underground. First full-length was on Reptilian Records (RELEASER OF ALBUMS BY DWARVES AND HEROINE SHEIKS, FUCK YEAH) and had a really crudely drawn cover of some stuff or something, fuck. And it sounded like a raging inferno of teenage mutant ninja feces inside Mother Nature's industrial vagina. Really poopy like. And it was great. Luckily, on the band's follow-up In Utero, they finally acknowledge that "teenage angst has paid off well/now I'm bored and old" because they're such fucking elderly pieces of fucking shit. That's right, fuck 'em. They're not any good at all. In Your Honour was the best thing they ever did, and even that's merely the greatest album ever recorded. Better than Bleed American, even.

Okay, just kidding. Nothing is better than Bleed American. Not even this album, which once again finds Clockcleaner at their top of their game as America's best loved buzz band. Remember when you first heard "Gentle Swastika" on the OC and it made you the die-hard super destiny Clockcleaner devotee that you are today? That's fucking right, it did. You most likely won't be disappointed with this new full-length LP, then! The songs still completely pound a bitch, the riffs are still repetitive and abrasive, and John Sharkey is still playing guitar with a quarter so that he can make his trademark "REEEEERRREEHHHHEEEEEHRHHREERRRREEEEEEEE" noise. BUT SOME THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.

For one thing, the last album didn't have Karen. Karen is a woman who plays the bass guitar. She's on this album, and the bass, while often distorted, sounds a lot clearer and punchier and it rules. So do the drums, for that matter! They sound fabulous on here! Who the fuck recorded this? Bob Weston's doing the next one, right? Not this one? I think so. But anyways, man, this fuckin' thing just sounds crystal friggin' clear! The Hassler was just kind of cold and distant, and Nevermind was really just like this brilliant shit storm of wonderfulness, but this thing is just like a big candy colored sperm load of well-produced heavy. Really pleasing to listen to! A lot of really brutal albums just don't sound that way, you know? This album does, though. So do albums such as the Melvins' Hostile Ambient Takeover and Kevin Drumm's Sheer Hellish Miasma. Abrasive shit that's actually pleasant to have running through your ears. Kudos, albums.

One super ultra MAJOR difference here, though. For some reason, John Sharkey has recently deciding to stop screaming everything like some pissed off crazy guy. Maybe his voice was disappearing too fast? I don't know. I'll ask him some day. So he's actually sort of "singing" now, and in a much lower, more throaty register than his screams on older Clockcleaner records. And it sounds okay most of the time! I mean, his BRUTALLY ROARIN' vox provided many of the highpoints of Nevermind and really added a lot to the band's poop flingingly abrasive manner of music-making. His new style sounds a little bit less scary. When I first heard "Vomiting Mirrors" earlier this year, I was like, "Aw, shit! This doesn't sound dangerous! It just sounds like some novelty crap! He's singing about little doggies on the railroad tracks in a dumb voice, what the hell!" But it's not so bad, really. Good songs on here! They played "Caliente Queen" when I saw them live, and I remember that song because it had a bouncy feel-good sex beat. "Daddy Issues" is pretty much the "N.S.A." of this album, a fast, brief (compared to the rest of the album's six minute epics) punker before they close it out with more SIKK BROOTALITY. Crank out the brews for this one! And "When My Ship Comes In" just fucking KILLS IT. Ah, man, the things I would do to this song if I only had a cock. Made of songs. Or something.

Rating: They're still good! Go Clockcleaner, go! Keep releasing an album a year, OF the year (ha, well, maybe... it's definitely a major highlight of 2007, at least)! Also, Let's Stay Friends is still amazing. I listened to it twice today. Fuck yeah. Hell, fuck YES. And that's the review! The end.

Song: "Caliente Queen"

Weezer - Maladroit

This is what Weezer sounds like when they're all in the bathroom having sex with each other. Seriously, flash back to 2002. After coming off the Weez "revival" and released the critically acclaimed/maligned Green Album. Weezer were on top of the commercial yogurt. 2001 will forever be known by the label: "How Cuomo Got His Groove Back"(or Grover, that video with the fucking muppets blasting cum on Cuomo's face is cute.)

This victory in power-pop stardom was short lived, however. It seemed that Weezer wanted to make-up for the crisis of infinite earths created by their lack of productivity in the latter half of the 90th century. Thusly, Rivers and company decided to place a mouth-watering loaf of half-baked ideas, riffs, corny songwriting, bake for roughly 37 minutes, let cool for 1 year, and then launch it onto your raving fanbase after tantalizing them with demos of your new album over the last year. No one thought this album could possibly be bad(well, except for Weezer detractors, but we all know they're a bunch of butt-loving faggots anyway).

Maladroit has been, and always will be a piece of shit. A lot of people at the time claimed that Maladroit was actually the superior album to Green and that it hearkened back to Weezer's 90s heyday. This is an incorrect opinion, however. Weezer never sounded like this. I mean, sure, Weezer was always big on cheesy, Van-Halen-esque guitar riffs, but as always. Mr. Cuomo always wore his heart on his sleeve, and envoked a fun playfulness in his music and lyrics. Maladroit is not fun for anyone. It's like living in a turkish prison for a half hour and some change. It's music trying desperately to sound important even when though the message is vapid and thread-bare.

That said, There's still a couple tracks of pop goodness on this listless turd. "Burnt Jamb" and uh, well the singles are alright too. My copy of this album that I have burned to my computer is all crapped up and the songs cut off before they're over. A blessing in disguise.

Rating: The worst Weezer album in existence. At least Make Believe is fun, fuck this shit.

Download:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ND6CN6S2

Pig Destroyer - Phantom Limb

Today I came home and proceeded to listen to this album three times in a row.

Do you know what grindcore is? Grindcore is metal played as fast as humanly possible, more or less. It ain't a pleasant listen. Napalm Death pretty much invented it, didn't they? Once upon a time, D.R.I. decided to play punk rock ridiculously fast and awesomely, and then Napalm Death made it all metal-y and added "OOOOGGGHHH" vocals and it hurt your mama's ears. Basically this huge blur of pummeling noise. It rules, yeah. Grindcore.

But the dudes had really short songs and they had one that was like, a second long or something! Hey! They obviously had a pretty good sense of humour about this stuff. Later, there were other grindcore bands. Eventually, they started to get more and more technical! Dillinger Escape Plan, for example. I mean, they're heavy. And they kick your ass and scream at you. But they're still kind of dorky and rackety, what with all the super mathy playing making things a bit rackety in a really techy sort of way. Same with Daughters. There's a lot of humour there and in a lot of other stuff like this, what with all the high pitched noises and balls-out shredfests and such. And that's great! But man, this band. THIS BAND IS SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.

Pig Destroyer is really angry about something. Who knows what. Phantom Limb is pure kickassness. And it's technical and all and they can play their asses off. But man, this shit is more just about the metal, you know? I mean, shit, these dudes completely fucking deliver, no bullshit. Really, you know how some albums just rock harder than all other albums? They just kick more ass? Well, this one kicks a lot of ass. Shit is heavy. Riff after riff of pure skull crushing metal amazingness. Played fast, yeah, but not comically so. And there are slower parts, too! They groove. Hard. This shit just roars like none other. And it never lets up. Never. All other so-called "grindcore" bands should hang their heads in defeat, 'cause Pig Destroyer's science is simply too tight.

And the last track is a really sweet idea on these guys' part! After the most violent half hour long rocking of your life, you are treated to a nice "cool down" track, evoking the good 'ol rural back porch days via cricket noises and an old timey country barbershop campfire transistor radio sing songy. Sort of like after you've been boning some broad in her zex puzzy for three hours and you decide to just surprise her with some butt love. They love that! Use someone else's wang dang, though. 'Cause they SHIT out of those things! Fuckin' BITCHES.

Rating: Good for buttfucking. And there's NO BASS. What the hell? And it totally doesn't matter, either! There's plenty of low-end to go around and kick your ass. Great record. One of the year's finest!

Song: "Girl In The Slayer Jacket"... song completely fucking rules, yeah.

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Les Savy Fav - Let's Stay Friends

I hate this cover, really! What's up with "indie people" and cartoons of woodland creatures? It pisses me off greatly. I mean, I love bears, red pandas, and lemurs and all that shit, but the whole "indie culture" has ruined all of that awesome shit for me. And it angers me greatly. So fuck you, hipsters and your bright colored t-shirts that don't fit you.

And fuck you for being part of a culture that at its worst and most generic, tries to sound like Les Savy Fav and fails miserably. Seriously, there really is a sort of generic "indie melodicism" that seeps through everything from Parts & Labour to Death Cab For Cutie to Oxford Collapse to Maps & Atlases. And regardless of the quality of any of those bands' music, when it all comes down to it, Les Savy Fav fucking shits all over all of it. They possess a lot of that "generic indie melodicism"... I mean, these melodies are very INDIE, aren't they? You can tell, can't you? But man, they're just so much better than all other music that "sounds indie," right? Right!

Seriously, is this "indie dance rock" or whatever? Lots of bands try and sound like the Dismemberment Plan, they do. Maybe you haven't heard a lot of those bands because they're too unremarkable and unoriginal to get any attention. They try and sound like Les Savy Fav, too. And they suck at it. Fuck them. Fuck them hard and long. Wow. I love this album.

Seriously, this is the best full-length these guys have done as of yet, probably. They sound like they just put their all into it. Like, they really must have focused on the sonics and stuff! There's acoustic guitars and the mix is just so full and there's girls singing on some songs and man, this is just a solid pop/rock album that I keep playing over and over. This is the sound of a band putting forth all the fucking effort in the world. It's not just dancey Brainiac-type shit. This is just awesome modern indie rock greatness and fuck, I love this album. It's awesome. I can't stop listening to it. Les Savy Fav gets it done so fucking hard, fuck. I love you, Les Savy Fav. Wow.

Rating: It rocks. And it's just awesome. Really fucking awesome. Yeah.

Song: THE ALBUM!!!

My Bloody Valentine - Isn't Anything

I'm really tired right now. Sorry that I didn't update yesterday. I had to help my friends move into an apartment in Chicago. After we were done I just sort of sat there and realized how old we were all getting. A bunch of kids from Batavia finally making it on our own.

I live in Dekalb now, at least for the year. I don't really consider myself anything but a Batavian though. All my important stuff is still there. I think a man's residence is where his CD collection is. My CDs are all still in Batavia. I will still buy all my CDs in Batavia. It was just a simple handshake between my dad and a hug from my mom when i left. Completely appropriate for these circumstances, there was none of that "my little boy is growing up" bullshit because I really haven't grown up at all. I didn't move out my CDs because I know I'm going back there, the day I move my albums to a different residence, well, that means I'll have become a man.

One of the albums I did bring to Dekalb was this one. It's one of my favorite albums of all time. Why? Because of the fuckin' songs. My Bloody Valentine were always a really noisy shoegaze band bent on global domination. Ambience, walls of guitars and all that, but I really just enjoy them way more when they're writing really guitar-heavy pop songs like the ones on here. "Feed me With Your Kiss" and "Cupid Come" are two of the greatest songs I've ever heard. Maybe they don't quite match the understated, fuzzy, brilliance of "When You Sleep" off of Loveless(their anti-pop album, which ironically hosts the poppiest song they ever did), but it certainly comes close.

Rating: One of the greatest albums of all time, no, really! It's just a shame that the T.V. that my roommate is watching is turned up so loud. I can't hear it as well as I'd like to. The funny thing is, I have more personal shit connected to Loveless, but I still like this one better. Loveless isn't really that good of an album, but I have such a connection to it personally, it fits into a certain time of my life, just like favorite records tend to do. Isn't Anything is just nothing more than one of the most brilliant guitar albums ever written. I haven't made that personal connection to it quite yet. Maybe it's day will come when it will soundtrack something for me, until then, I'll just jam to it on my first of many nights at 501 college ave.

Download: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=LRZTVAOJ

Akron/Family - Love Is Simple

When I saw that the first and last songs on this were both called "Love, Love, Love," I got a bit worried. Was this going to just be a bunch of hippy crap? Meek Warrior tracks like "Gone Beyond" and "Love & Space" and "Dolphin Song," blown up to full-length proportions? God, I hoped not.

Unfortunately, that's exactly what Love Is Simple is. Meek Warrior wasn't really intended to be an "album," but instead a "mini-album" of sorts, a stopgap between Ak Ak's phenomenal '05 output and wherever the fuck their future is about to take them. Well, we're here. And man, this is definitely not the preferred direction that I wanted to see these guys move in!

See, their self-titled record contains some of my absolute favorite music of 2005, and some of the most beautiful, affecting music I've ever had the pleasure to experience. Despite the collective, "indie freak folk" vibe the album seemed to give off, the music was really just extremely intimate, very personal shit. There were moments of absolute transcendence, the ultimate realization of what this kind of communal hippy shit tries so hard to achieve. Lyrically, too... just lovely stuff. It achieves a kind of beauty for me that something like Sufjan's "Predatory Wasp of the Palisades" does for a lot of other listeners.

The split with Angels of Light was a whole different sort of monster. "Raising The Sparks" and "Moment" were absolutely fucking insane... noisy, proggy, and possessed with such a FIERY sort of energy, to the point where your brain just fucking leaps out of your skull out of sheer excitement. Hell, the rest of the songs weren't too bad, either! Hippyish, yeah. Their music certainly doesn't hide the fact that these guys have great big bushy beards. But there was this sort of beautiful youthful exuberance in the music that made you think, "Oh, wow, these young people are seriously talented and could probably do ANYTHING if they wanted to! I mean, shit!"

Meek Warrior was nice as a "stopgap," yes. Short, only 35 minutes or so. Quite a departure from their debut's very "ambitious full length"-ish hour long running time. It's a slight album. They sounded like they had fun pulling songs out of their ass, shitting out ridiculous multipart free jazz influenced smelly hippy freakouts, collectively belting choruses like "RIIIIIIIDE, DOLPHIIIIIN, RIIIIIIIIDE!!!!!!!," and nodding toward a campfire evoking Dead concert closer like "And We Bid You Goodnight" with "Love & Space."

And so now we have Love Is Simple, which is basically more of the Meek Warrior hippy shit, but stretched out to nearly an hour. Nothing here has the substance of the debut, and none of it rocks as hard as the highlights of the AoL split. They sound like they're having fun being smelly hippies and worshipping the sun and finding enlightenment through delicious marijuana drugs. They sound like they are all for love and peace. And hey, love and peace! Great! But man, this certainly isn't a progression of any sort. It's pretty much the same thing they were doing on Split LP tracks like "Future Myth," but with a lot more of Meek Warrior's lightheaded lolness. They still have those nice group vocals, though! I'm seeing them next month, yeah. I hope they just make noise and piss in their own mouths like the Black Lips.


Rating: Some okay melodies, I suppose. Feels a bit by-numbers, though. I don't know about this sort of stuff working for a full album. I mean, the "love, love, love" shit is great on a 35 minute mini-album, but man, when your debut is as multi-dimensional and affecting as Akron/Family managed to be... this kind of crap seems a bit effortless in comparison. I said all this in my Meek Warrior review a long time ago, remember? I still enjoy this album to some extent (nice melodies here and there) and am super glad that they make music and release said music often. They seem to have exhausted a lot of aspects of their sound and overall appproach over the course of only two years, so seeing where they travel to next is certainly something that I greatly anticipate! So go, Akron/Family! Seize the day! It is yours! So put out a better album next time, you fucking asshole bearded cunt fags. Fuck you.

Song: Disco Inferno - The Five EP's... incredible.

Sun City Girls - 330,003 Crossdressers From Beyond Rig Veda

The Screamers are fucking amazing, yeah. Download all bootlegs off Soulseek, everybody.

This is a double CD. It is some asslong shit. Both discs are an hour or something. The first disc is a bunch of totally rad COMPOSITIONS, and the second is a bunch of totally rad IMPROVISATIONS. The actual songs are pretty cool. They're all wacky and full of funny voices, like the Residents or Caroliner. Totally kooky art-rock, these. But they're all ethnic-like, as we have come to expect from this cutting edge experimentation machine, the Barenaked Ladies. Shit like "CCC" sounds like some creepy desert nightmare or some crap! I dig the balls off of it. It has a rad melody, too, which a lot of these songs also have, wonderfully. Just cool little melodic diddley doos to grab and shake you and finger your girlfriend/girljizzlapper.

And then the second CD. THE SECOND CD. Lots of people like one MARK PRINDLE aren't too fond of the Sun City Girls' dick-around tendencies. And it definitely is "dicking around." I mean, that's what free improvisation is, isn't it? No matter how meaningful the connection and interaction between musicians is, they're all just kind of playing what comes to them. It's dicking around! But I love it. I could listen to this shit all fucking day. Maybe smoke some drugs while I'm at it. Just awesome repetitive spaced-out shit. Like middle-eastern krautrock! Have you heard the new Sapat album? It's on Siltbreeze and awesome.

Rating: They have a fuck ton of albums. Maybe they have ones a fuck ton better than this one. I certainly listen to something like Horse Cock Phepner more. But if you're looking for the Girls' "signature sound," this is definitely the album you want. Mounds and mounds of psyched up reefer insanity. Richard Bishop is an awesome guitarist, by the way! I downloaded his solo albums and am gonna see him with Bill Callahan next month! Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, Charles Gocher died this year. He was the drummer in this band and was as old as my parents. So they won't be putting out any more records. They were legendary, though. RIP, Charles. And RIP, Sun City Girls. You pwned my ass all around the block. I'm listening to you right now. Thanks for the mammaries.

Song: "CCC"... I mentioned this song earlier. It's good. Suck me.

The Screamers - Demos 1977-78

I am reviewing a band that doesn't even really exist in our internet age. They never recorded an album. We don't really have scenes anymore, we have movements. We have dudes from New York aping dudes from Britain. Music has become this big homogenous evolving creature I think, ever since the advent of the internet. I'm not really sure how many people are behind me, but it seems like back in the day, a band like The Screamers might have gained a lot more notoriety around the country for being a phenomenal band because we could transfer music around like a mere snap of a finger! It didn't happen though. The Screamers were L.A's baby, rather than it's gift to the world. You can't trade what we see with our eyes all that well yet, just our ears. Bootlegging video is still sort of awkward with our primitive internet connections, and is not very practical. Therefore, the visceral experience of a Screamers show would have been lost on a midwestern, uncultured schlub like me.

Around this time in the 1970s I would probably be jerking off to David Bowie records and purchasing tickets to that Led Zeppelin tour that never happened because John "lard ass" Bonham(who reportedly became so obese he would swallow his drumset after shows in storage rather than have his roadies take it down, and then vomit it profusely when necessary to perform.) happened to be a train wreck of a human garbage disposal. Yet, there was tons of exciting music out there that was lost on people who weren't "down" or "hip with it." Nowadays, any bro can just log onto the internet, click on Pitchfork and start jamming to some supposed hipster indie rock. I think it's all sort of bullshit, really. However, this begs the question. Is it better for music to be widely available by just a click of a mouse, or should we be hearkening back to the old days when great music was sometimes forever lost or buried through the annals of rock n' roll history? The question when posed in this form is obviously a very, very obvious one. I love being able to catch on all sorts of bullshit I missed out on because I was just a sperm in my dads sack, but music has sort of lost that familarity and coziness to it, that feeling of ultra-hipsterdom that I'll never know.

Rating: This is really sick, early punk rock. It's got new wave influences and the like, some of the coolest songs are the keyboard heavy ones. Everything is still really raw and unfinished, like a punk rock record should sound, anyway. A lost classic that was never recorded. I'm fortunate to hear it.

Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/mjx643

ZZ Top - ZZ Top's First Album

This is ZZ Top's first album.

It's bluesy hard rock, basically. It's short. The songs all basically have snappy little blues riffs. They're all pretty much the same tempo (NEVER MIND, THAT'S NOT TOTALLY ACCURATE, SORRY.) They're all pretty much the same. Same goes for the next album.

But the album is awesome! Most ZZ Top albums are. Cool people like them. Steve Albini likes them. Steve Albini likes it when you finger his tight we

Rating: Good album! I like ZZ Top a lot. I can just listen to their first four albums non-stop, all in a row. They're all pretty danged similar. I don't really have anything much more to say about this. I pretty much covered their first several albums with this "review." They have guitars and they're bluesy. Also, they sing about eatin' pussy. Like, the pussy of MINORITIES! Black chicks and mexican chicks and the like. Because they had big beards. Big, pussy eatin' beards. Man, what a sorry excuse for a review this is. If you've read Mark Prindle's ZZ Top review page, you've probably heard plenty of ZZ Top/pussy jokes. "Neighbor Neighbor" and "Brown Sugar" are awesome songs! This album is solid! It's true rock 'n roll. It's way better than Pearl Jam.

Song: A Pavement mix I made... INDIE ROCK!!!!!!

The Raincoats - Odyshape

Does anyone care about The Raincoats anymore? Kurt Cobain did, and now he's dead. In order to raise awareness of the Raincoats in our society. I decided to have an aim conversation with surviving member of the Raincoats Gina Bitch, who is pictured here with a cock in her ass.

I am sexyman6969, she is dumpsterslut81

sexyman6969 has entered the room

sexyman6969: yo who dis
dumpsterslut81: hi lol want to interview me : )
sexyman6969:: fuck yea alright lets do this
dumpsterslut81: k
sexyman6969: first off asl
dumpsterslut81: 48/F/IL teehee : )
dumpsterslut81: wearing just a bra not pantie
sexyman6969: 21/M/IL
sexyman6969: huge penis
sexyman6969: u sound cute i like
sexyman6969: anyway explain the raincoats sound what were you guys trying to accomplish on this record
dumpsterslut81: ummmm i dunno lol
dumpsterslut81: idk
dumspsterslut81: we were going for a more big sound like branching out and stuff
dumpsterslut81: i mean we still bring the guitars on songs like Only Loved at night u no
sexyman6969: o ya i love that song *gettin hard right now!*
dumpsterslut81: o rly : )
sexyman6969: ya fucking chix make me hot
XXXANADESILVAXXX has entered the room
xxxanadesilva: oh man so horny
xxxandesilva: sup mis cholos
xxxanadesilvaxxx: fuuuuuck so cock drunk need a tortilla in my ass
xxxanadesilva has left the room
dumpsterslut81: wtf
sexyman6969 has deposited sperm in anus

Rating: great album, The Raincoats are still a bunch of noisy, shitty dykes who were probably eating each others pussies while recording this album, and since it was recorded by all girls it cannot recieve a 10/10, so I will give it a 4.

DOWNLOAD: http://www.4shared.com/file/7790521/bda0c39f/1981_odyshape.html

Wire - Pink Flag

Hi, I'm not so crazy about this debut effort from the rock group Wire. It starts out okay enough, with a pretty monstrous opener, a very brief speedy punky stomp romp, a bouncy almost-disco rim-job, and a glorious guitar pop spectacle of amazingness. "Lowdown" is okay, too. Then there are a bunch of songs in a row that aren't really at all better than the first five.

Eventually you get to "Mr. Suit," which is just so pissed off and brutal. The New Bomb Turks covered it on their fantastic Destroy Oh Boy! LP, and I like there version better. Then comes "Strange," which has a slow, memorable riff, yes. "Fragile" is next, and it's a beautiful pop song, but they made it better on the next album when they turned it into "Outdoor Miner."

"Mannequin" is after that and is great, yeah. That's four great songs in a row near the end, and five songs in a row near the beginning. I like "12xU" and maybe "Start To Move." A lot of the other songs just sort of run together. I'd much rather listen to their other records. They're great all the way through. I listened to this one tonight while eating these god-fucking-awful BONELESS WINGS from Buffalo Wild Wings, the most piss-poor fucking suburban franchise restaurant piece of my fucking ass. The wings are soggy and shitty and I mean, it's chicken so of course I enjoy them to some extent, but it's basically just the kind of shit that suburban jocks go for because they're lives are completely fucking aimless. If I want chicken, I go where the black people are. Thank you, black people, for not being fucking cunts. I love you.

Rating: I like the other albums where the songs are easier to distinguish from one another. The production on here doesn't have cool guitar effects and synthesizers, either. I listened to Static Age two and a half times this morning, by the way. The Misfits were so fucking good.

Song: Helmet - "Sinatra"... I listened to this song twice last night before I jerked it. Good shit.

The Misfits - Static Age

Let me tell you about a little band called The Misfits.

When I was acne-ridden, waste of sperm middle schooler, with no pubes on my little pre-pubescent nutsack. There were a bunch of "cool" kids who thought The Misfits were totally a "boss" band. Fast forward to high school when I got hi speed internet and the ability to download music, one of the first albums I downloaded was some Misfits thing. It was a pretty nice little album. but lo and behold whenever I discussed with anyone about this little pop group. Everyone thought the band sucked. It was really bad if you liked the Misfits. All of their merchandise and t-shirts of that fucking skull were emblazoned on the buttcheeks of every would-be punk in midwestern America.

So I had no other choice, really. I was instead told to listen to cool music like "Tool" or "The Doors" or classic rock or all that and for awhile, I let it all hit me, I never gave the Misfits the time of day. I thought it was all a bunch of sell-out mallcore bullshit because every fuckin kid I met with a misfits shirt on would just be the biggest smarmy chode. I decided instead of actually giving the misfits a earnest listen, I would decide they were a shitty band and never listen to them ever. Thankfully, this all changed when I grew out of my teenager years and learned how to not be a complete shameless retard.

It turns out that The Misfits are a really great band. Every song they wrote has a really great hook to it, and all their albums,especially Famous Monsters and American Psycho, are the most important punk records of the 21st century. The early stuff is good too, but the band really took off when Danzig left the band.


This album, for instance, is their earliest work, but the band already had their formula of hilarious lyrics, catchy sing-a-long choruses, and boner popping guitar-drum ditties. It's a really great little record and just because the Misfits are a joke now doesn't take anything away from these early classics. That said, I eagerly await the Nirvana reunion with Krist Novoselic on vocals, Dave Grol on drums, and Sausage McBiscuit on keyboards.

oh wait that last person wasn't a person but just a tasty breakfast sandwich

rating: great stuff, Walk Among Us is of course better but stfu and get this.

DOWNLOAD:

Misfits – Box Set Discs 1 & 2:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=CLVMH52P

Misfits – Box Set Discs 3 & 4:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=JZUAH2RT

Battles - Mirrored

I was just thinking today about how this album sucks and how pretty much every major music publication gave it a glowingly positive review.

Which is kind of odd, isn't it? I mean, sure, it's the kind of album that a lot of "hipster" folks are going to love, so why bum them out and pan the thing? But man, why pander to an audience? Why be so fucking predictable? I know that when you're Pitchfork and you're the epicenter of "underground music" or something that you have to keep the shit under control. But man, surprise me once in a while! Yeah, this blog is a complete fucking mess and we just review whatever we happen to be listening to or thinking about, but it's refreshing to see that kind of pure, honest approach, wouldn't you agree? That's right.

Anyways, the first time I listened to this album, it didn't grab me. Sonically, they had obviously put a lot into it. Compositionally... well, it's basically prog-rock. A nerdy, subtle sort of prog-rock. The Discipline comparisons are pretty much perfect for this, I would agree with that much.

God, I just love enormous fucking balloon boobies. I was just looking at the screenshots for this video that somebody uploaded on PureTnA, and now I have a righteous fucking boner.

They're obviously pretty great musicians, too! I mean, Don Caballero, Helmet, c'mon. We know that John Stanier rules a fuckin' ass. And, like Yes years before them, it obviously sounds like they're working hard at playing these songs. Like, they're just dicking and twiddling away, totally focused because they're PROFICIENT MUSICIANS, they are.

But anyways, the first time I heard it, I thought it was kind of boring. I don't like the vocals! They're annoying. Annoying vocals usually don't bother me. But I don't really feel these songs at all, so I can't overlook that sad fact. I listened to it a few more times hoping I would be able to find something to latch onto, and I simply could not do so. I love proggy shit, but usually because with that kind of music, there's just so much cool, creative shit to take hold of my interest. There's nothing of that nature here! They obviously meant well, but man, this could have been so much better. Instead, it's just kind of a waste of talent and effort. Maybe next time.

Rating: I hate this album.

Song: No song, sorry. You can blame Battles for that.

Jens Lekman -

Night Falls Over Kortedala

The day is 1992. Pavement Ist Rad is thinking of reviewing a Jens Lekman album, Undercooked Sausage defeats him and reviews it first. It is now 1993.


Let's talk about the great lyrics in this album first and foremost, goddamn.

There will be no (hershey) kisses tonight
there will be no holding hands tonite
because what is now isnt there before and what is (trails off, indistrinct)
ive broken some farts i udnerstand
firecrackers fuck me up and i always try to be true

BUT I WOULD NEVER FUCK ANYONE
WHO DOESNT BURN MY DICK LIKE THE SUN
AND I REMMEBER EVERY FUCK LIKE MY FIRST FUCK(cybering with a 13/M/F)
and i remmeber that night it sucked
by the lake in your dads anus
and i would like to keep that memory
of that fuck
as it is
things get more comp[licated when you're older
before you know it...what
you get a gun and you name it after some bitch that broke your heart fuck fuck you fuck you bitchadsds

good album. The lyrics are unbelievably good, joking aside. Not to mention the studio production and the arrangements in general are just orgasmic. I usually don't like fairie faggot music like this. But this album and the faggot who wrote these songs can give me a reach-around any day!

Rating: It's one of the better JENS LICKMAN albums I've heard, he's written a lot of albums. This one is by far his worst, don't ever listen to him or this album. chock full of tens. he will get nice and tight pussy. Oh yeah, I hope you like string.

DOWNLOAD: http://www.sendspace.com/file/4cdkdl

Iggy & The Stooges - Metallic K.O.

This is a live album by the fine authors of timeless garage rock classics such as "Trollin'" and "Mexican Guy." It used to be one LP with some of the songs sounding really awful and tinny, and the others sounding loud and clear, but like somebody had dropped the tape into a big 'ol bucket of jism!

Luckily, there was some reissue where they included MORE SONGS from each of these two live concert recording sessions. And luckily, I downloaded it and didn't have to pay for all the ones that sound like my fucking trebley asshole.

So anyways, this was their last tour before they decided to call it quits so that fIREHOSE could properly blossom into the mega-influential stalwarts of grindcore that they are known as today. This music is DOWNRIGHT FILTHY. You know how Exile On Main St. is just completely sloppy and muddy like heroin boogie sleaze polygamy? Well, this is like that, but the Stooges certainly weren't the fucking Stone Roses, and so for no particular reason, they had to deal with playing to crowds of angry bearded biker sluts who throw bottles and heckle the shit out of the band. So why the hell do they even go to the concert if they think the musicians are scum? Maybe they knew I was going to review this live concert album in 2007 and that's why. Well, fuck them, 'cause this is actually a review of Paul McCartney's fabulous Memory Almost Full album. Yeah, that's right, have you heard this album? It's great! The sixth track is pretty boss, it contains the line "Her ass is black and her tits are bare." Recorded live with the Beatles featuring Harrison Ford and Leonard Maltin and Star Jones and Jobriath! Buy it at your local Starbucks today!

And don't forget to dry hump a few unsuspecting employees. For me? That's right.

Rating: The first half of the 2001 reissue is amazing and sounds great and just ridiculously sleazy and there's a boogie rockin' piano and boozy backing vocals and has lots of space at the ends of songs where Iggy just baits the audience and there's lots of swearing and it might have been their last show or maybe that's the second half but god, I hope not because the second half sounds like shit and isn't nearly as entertaining. The first six songs are from the post-Raw Power era of the band where they didn't release an album and there are a bunch of semi-legit releases that have totally gross, sleazy rock songs like "Cock In My Pocket" and "Gimme Some Skin." And man, the Stooges kicked a totally different kind of ass than they did on something like Fun House at this point, didn't they! This shit is just so smacked up and dirty and man, it's not surprising that they imploded and Iggy slipped his young fleshy member into David Bowie's quivering ruby orifice of poopy, glittery shit splendor and never looked back. Berries 'n creeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaammmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Song: "Cock In My Pocket"... this is a song about a superhero named Tony! It's called... uh... it's called "Cock In My Pocket." Wow. I did not just type that. Ick. Somebody hose me down with jizz before the devil gets to me first! Hooooo!!!!

Burzum - Filosofem

Burzum are a group of performers from Miami. They've recorded a ton of hit albums like Revolver, Pet Sounds, and even The Eagles best of compilation. This time Burzum entered the recording studio to record some very intense album of Gary Numan covers while and

but in all seriouness, Burzum is a guy, not a band. He's a very scary man who was put in jail for hurting a man really badly and killing him by stabbibg him A LOT. Seriously, the man has caught a lot of fucking breaks. He kills a dude, gets to go on leave and they find him IN A FUCKING TRUCK WITH A BUNCH OF WEAPONS AND SHIT when he's just let loose for a weekend. I don't know if he'll ever get granted parole after that fiasco.

It might be for the best anyway, because when/if Burzum gets released from federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, I doubt he'll be able to record more beauty like this, what a fuckin record this is. There is a 25 minute atmospheric keyboard thing on here that goes on way too goddamn long though. I'm not sure what the shit that thing is all about. Eventually some pretty badass guitar comes in and just crunches right through the keyboard and melts your brain. This kind of sounds like Jesus & Mary Chain or some really underproduced indie rock/noise album which is probably why Burzum had such a big crossover into the indie crowd just as much as the black metal crowd. Dude is like Kelly Clarkson, he just crosses boundaries.

He probably is a better fuck than Kelly Clarkson though. She had herpes.

Rating: I give it a pretty high grade. I prefer badass guitars to wanky keyboard solos for a half hour so I think I like a couple Burzum albums more, but the second track on this record is just mind-bending in it's awesomeness. Dude was younger than me when he recorded this. All I can do is jerk off to porn and think about how much of a waste my life is, then I think "Well, I haven't murdered anyone yet." So I'm still one step ahead of the game

Download: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=RYP5AQVL

The Raincoats - The Raincoats

The Raincoats were a bunch of noisy dykes from Madison Wisconsin, I'm not sure where exactly in madison but probably where all the fucking dykes hung out. Man, what a bunch of clit-piercing shrieking and bullshit is contained on this record. I was thinking about this album yesterday because Garret was talking about it somewhere else on the internet, oops I mean Leaf garret or whatever his name is on here. The Raincoats were a trio of rug munchers from faggot, New Jersey. They enjoy sucking a cock or two. This is way out there post punk. Actually, I realize they are girls but girls aren't supposed to rock at all. They just bleed and scare the hell out of me and bleed so goddamn much and yell and yell when i put my dick in their ass. My friend says anal sex is just like fucking a vagina except it's like 3 degrees warmer and it smells like shit, or teen spirit, he says he wasn't paying attention.

They cover The Kinks on this record, other than that you get to hear a lot of violent and interesting music that might open you up to more experimental punk rock music. To tell you the truth, "The Void" is my favorite song on here and it makes me want to shed tears everytime I hear it.

Rating: This is all really great music, I might prefer their second album a bit more and I never listened to their third album. It's probably pretty good though

Download: Heres the album http://www.gigasize.com/get.php/-1099907567/The_Raincoats_%281979%29.rar

George Harrison - Cloud Nine

Much like George Harrison through the 1980s, Solid Little Rock Jams will not fade into the night.

I don't think anyone in 1987 expected George fucking Harrison to do anything worthwhile ever again in his life. His last album before this was 5 years ago and the last time he entered anyones mind was that single he did, "All Those Years Ago" to cash-in on John Lennon's recent death. At this point in George Harrison's career. He was dead, he was a mummified old, boring fart who couldn't get "with it." It's not like it would ever really matter if George came back to the spotlight. Why would he? He had a hot big-titted wife who he fucked daily, and could fall ass backwards into his vast fortune of ill-gotten beatlemania money.

George Harrison did not wanted to be forgotten as a a rich, pasty asswipe, however, so he recorded this album so people would remember "Well, George sure was a boring gay faggot, but goddamn! That cover of that one song by that shitty band was a pretty good single!" and we'd be singing it well after his death to lung cancer or whatever has passed. There's a bunch of fucking songs on here. Jeff Lynne produces this album, and it's so obvious. It sounds like an ELO album, not that I've ever taken the time to listen to more than a few ELO songs, something I'll probably be rightly chastised for, but everything sounds meticulously crafted into one big-ass ol pop song. The problem is, it makes it all sound really samey. All the drums sound the exact same except for the one Ringo is on, and all the guitars shuffle around like a bunch of dead zombies and George uses his mummified feelers to stroke and scratch out the licks.

The last track, is the bigass single though, and of course everyone should hear it. It's just too bad that the termite that infested George Harrison's ass that gave him all his melodic sensibility was crapped out after this record and George Harrison did jackshit until he released his incredible "almost as good as All Things Must Pass i swear" album Brainwashed from beyond the grave.

Rating: It's an album by George Harrison that is pretty much better than Let It Be, Abbey Road, The White Album, Sailing The Seas Of Cheese and Led Zeppelin IV. Buy it today.

Yeah, i went the whole review without mentioning the cover, but seriously, wtf!?


Download: The whole album in it's entirety.