Sunday, October 07, 2007
Wings - London Town
DENNY LAINE CUMS IN MY EARS AND IN MY EYES
BONERS SHOOT POO ALL OVER MY THIGHS
I SHIT ON HIS VILE CRACK
THERE IS A WINGS MEMBER WHO LIKES IT SMELLY ON HIS BALLS
HIS LITTLE ROD IS JUTTING IN AND OUT OF PAUL
AND WHEN PAUL SAYS, "HEY, BUD, I DIG YOUR BALL
IT DOESN'T SMELL AT ALL"
TRUMPET SOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.bcxzvvkdstyz87ft5E$%^›ﬂﬁ›ﬂ$%YhmZ zx vxzcvbnnvb
And that's this album for you, pretty much.
Rating: As a lad, when I used to see this album in the racks (THAT'S WHAT I CALLED MY MOM'S TITS BACK THEN LOL), I always figured, "Oh, wow, this must be some sort of ultra-mature, focused, back-to-basics sort of album, 'cause it's just Paul, Linda, and Denny like on Band on the Run. And the cover is all awesome and 'mature' so the music must be totally well-mannered and not embarassing at all."
Well, years later, I looked a bit more closely at the cover and realized that it's actually pretty awful. Everybody looks Photoshopped in. If they were trying to make it look like they actually went out by some London body of water bridge fuckin' thing and took a picture in front of it, they failed miserably. Sorry, dudes. And Linda and Denny both look like they're missing pieces of their brains. Just look at those fuckers! Who the fuck told them to pose like that? And who picked out the font and color for the title? I do not appreciate this shit at all.
Hot on the heels of the hyper mega smash twin towers of brilliance that are Wings At The Speed of Sound and Wings Over America, the other band members pretty much realized one of/or two things: "Hey, I suck!" or "Hey, this band sucks!" So they left the band. And now it's back to Paul and his two possibly worthless collaborators Denny Laine and Linda P. McGriddlecakes. Just like on Hand On My Fun, which was great precisely because Sir Cunt Slop was not trying to have Wings "act like a band," but instead focused on just assembling cool songs in the 'ol recording studio for the sole purpose of making a rad album. Fuck this "Showing this BAND'S democracy and ability to ROCK! Like a BAND!" crap! That's not what Paul needs to be doing, no. Certainly not at this juncture in time, at least.
No, see, Paul just needs to channel his energies into bringing the awesome pop melodies. And for a good portion of this album, that's what Macadamia Vagina Nuts appears to be doing! I mean, look at how it starts off. The title track is some totally relaxed soft-rock crap. And dig those keyboards! All sorts of fun little keyboard things on this album. It's followed by "Cafe On The Left Bank," which is some seriously frenzied disco squad car chase bullshit. And "I'm Carrying" is next and it's this beautiful ballad... and so right there, you have a set of three diverse, HIGH QUALITY pop songs. Killer melodies that have had much effort put into them, obviously! Totally chilled out production. Great for coming down from your coke buzz. Very nice, these bros.
But then, man, the next two songs are both under two minutes! One sounds like Paul forgot to finish it, and the other one is just this minute long funky thing. And then "Children Children" is next and it's AWFUL. Denny Laine sings it! Remember when I said that "You've Got The Answer" was the fruitiest thing I'd ever heard? Well, I miscalculated somewhere, 'cause this song definitely claims that title. What a bunch of bouncy fucking minstreal asshole eating this song is. But it has quite the infectious melody, so I can't piss on it too much. But, man, they really should have left this one off the album.
Or not. This album is just too fucking long. 50 minutes is too much for a danged Wings album. "Morse Moose & The Grey Goose" is wholly unnecessary. "Cafe On The Left Bank" already did the corny spy music thing, but at least that one had a great melody and was half as long. The first three songs are undeniably fantastic, as is the falsetto negro soul of "Girlfriend." "Famous Groupies" is pretty well-liked, too. By me, sometimes. And "Deliver Your Children" is like some instant classic shit, right here. The two "hard rockers" on this thing... I don't have much of an opinon of them. Nor of the other songs. "Don't Let It Bring You Down" is not the Neil Young song of the same name, and is therefore horrible. Just kidding, but it's not exactly "Magneto & Titanium Man," is it? Okay, this song can stay.
Overall, this album is one of the strongest Wings albums. The half-written fillery things are barely even there, and the only truly worthless track is "Morse Moose & The Grey Goose." Lots of lost McCartney classics on this thing! Could have been tighter, though.
Song: "Cafe On The Left Bank"... probably about them soakin' slits.